Twistinado

Come here when you wanna know what to think about your life and the world you live in. I know everything and nothing, at the same time.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

in the meantime II

as I continue to procrastrinate with the list. Please enjoy what is sure to be daily reading for many of you.

Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em!

Be sure to check out the video for "Look"...I mean, I never thought it was possible for someone to seriously create a song and video that is a mirror-image of something you'd see on MadTV. What did he expect to accomplish with this video? Did he think it was hot? Did he think he was spittin real dope? Did he think people want to see a 40+ Hammer dancin like kids on 106&Park?

On the flip side...if this blog takes on diary-like elements, as it seems to doing, what proportions of absurdity will it reach? He's not a coon like Bobby Brown, but it's Hammer!

I kinda feel like this development is best thing since Cold Stone Creamery.

Monday, February 27, 2006

in the meantime

This hiphop producers list is on the way.

Until then, please enjoy this video courtesy of a ridiculous friend from Orlando. Too much tomfoolery to even get into sufficiently. His name is Jim, but as you'll find out -- niggas in the streets know him as Prima D.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Music Dude presents: Dilla and this list thing

As many of you know, 2006 is the year that I make my second attempt to gradually wean myself from hiphop and, what I feel to be, its corrosive influence on my psyche and morality. It's a bit of a long story that deserves its own novel-blog.

But as this process takes place, I find myself thinking about the music a lot. Sort of like how one might obsessively daydream or ponder the full-scope of a relationship with a significant other if that person sees the end of that affair drawing close. The tendency might be to analyze the minutia, glamourize the mudane, but at other times it might spur you try attempt to wrap your arms around some weighty subjects, come to conclusions.

I'm doing that with hiphop a lot more, these days. In January, as I spent another evening without much to do, I managed to spend close to two hours coming to the conclusion that Ice Cube's place in the hop, somehow (almost inexplicably), was a near mirror image to Dextor Gordon's place in jazz. It had more to do with geography and exit-returns, but it was making sense to me.

A couple weeks ago, though. My attention turned to producers.

I had recently started goin back and doin my studies on some Gangstar. I happened upon a burned copy of The Owners and fell back in love Primo again, but more on him later. Anyways, I started thinking real, real hard about whether or not Primo was indeed the greatest hiphop producer of all-time -- I just couldn't come to a conclusion. The next day, it was back on my mind as I played certain tracts over and over again on my way to Orlando. Then I popped the CD out and turned on the radio. These were the three songs that came on, in a row:

Excuse Me Miss -- Jay-Z
Put You on the Game -- The Game
some new joint by LL. The chorus is something like "U got it, u got it, u got it...It's hard to control myself.

The three producers of those tracks were

Excuse Me Miss -- Pharrell Williams
Put You On The Game -- Timbaland
that LL joint -- Jermaine Dupri.

The LL joint slayed me. It was 70s disco and 00s club mixed into one. And u could tell by the way L was spittin the chorus that JD wrote it. And I started thinkin to myself, is JD one of the greatest producers in hophop history.

He's done tracks for Jay-Z, Biggie, LL -- u name it. He created Da Brat and Kriss Kross and Bow Wow. Think about that, though. JD created those acts. When I say, "created", I mean he made their beats, wrote their lyrics, dressed them, marketed them -- the whole nine. And then I started thinkin about that Timbo track for the Game and it was like, "Yo, we may not considers these niggas the true-blue, underground, gangsta, sho-nuff hiphop producers, but looking back at their longevity, commercial success, their weight in the studios and their abilities to create hits and craft their sounds...they gotta, at least be in the discussion."

Then days later, my nigga Dilla died. And on that day I wondered aloud, to myself, whether he might be the greatest. Sounds odd, but I gave that serious thought. Death does that.

See, true producing is more than just creating a beat on the TR808 or MPC or whatever and then calling it quits. The great producers are in that studio and actually reign over the song. It's their beat, their idea -- the great hiphop producers more closely resemble Quincy Jones or Burt Bacharach than they do, say, 9th Wonder. That's no slap at 9th, but he's not even in my discussion.

The same way "rapper" (if we've all grown up and have enough courage and conviction to call it like it is and not get bogged down or fooled into using that term to describe the Will Smiths of the world) encompasses the emcee and lyricist sides and denotes someone who can perform and create good songs -- a producer is more than just an ill beat maker. If you'll indulge me a bit more on this difference -- an ill beat maker is like a great movie writer. But an ill producer not only writes the film, but acts as the director as well. I imagine the great producers sitting in front of the control board in the studio, directing everything from when to break the music, to suggesting tonal inflctions an emcee should use in the hook. U dig?

So basing things on that criteria, I wondered -- who are the Seven Greatest HipHop Producers of the modern era (1993-now). Here, by the way, is my explanation for why I chose seven, instead of five or 10.

As you know, this will be The Definitive List, because it's the Music Dude's list. It will be biblical. More so than the lyrics, the music is my thing. It's why I love the hop. Treat this as fact, not opinion.

But...before we get to the actual list, we gotta pay respect to one of the illest that ever did it, my nigga Dilla, yall. Jay Dee.

I'll never forget when I was kickin it wit my nigga Dwayne (sp?) from the D and he told me that niggas from Detroit get mo down with D-12 than they do the Slum. That just blew my effin mind. How could a city full of jitterbig niggas claim allegiance to some dorks with a white-boy leader when my favorite group of the past 10 years is reppin that city harder than Tommy Hearns? I just kept askin him two word questions, like "Are you serious?"..maybe that was three.

Although my Slum fanaticism is still strong as ever, even though Dilla broke off after Vol. 2 (despite producing a couple songs/per album), I got attached to them in 2000. I had just moved to DC. I was broke, living a spartan lifestyle and I used to entertain myself at night by laying on my futon, in the dark and puttin Jealosy, Climax, Forth and Back, Players and all those other trax on repeat. As emcees, T3, Baatin and Dilla weren't Nas. But they all were emcees (mic control, move the crowd, master of ceremonies). They all had style and swagger on the mic. But I was most consumed with what was going on underneath the lyrics.

It takes me much longer than most to memorize lyrics, because my first 5-10 listens are always dominated by the music. And that first Slum was a mutha. I don't what JD was on. But, unlike most producers, he was able to creat moods with his music. I mean, someone please check that bassline on Jealosy, with the sparse paino chords. The bassline sounds like some Miroslauv Vitois ish, something Stanley Clarke wouldve licked when he was doin his upright dance. Now, Dilla wasn;t actually playin the bass, but he knew how, he was actually musician (come to find out) and there's no doubt that knowledge of musicianship allowed hi to freak that bassline the way he did. It's like the bass was comin at u in waves, it was perpetual...so he balanced that with sparse piano and hesitant snare kicks. I used to sit there on my futon, drinkin E&J marveling at how he did his thing.

But lets rewind -- its a bit of a technicality on when I truly got put onto Dilla. My first knowing awareness of Dilla was Let's Ride of Q-Tips Amplified album. Tip dropped that single after Vivrant Thing and Move and Stop, which happened to be bangers in their own right, but they were divergent sounds for a dude that was the lead man for Tribe. Let's Ride sort of walked back to that neighborhood a little bit. Let's talk about the guitar on the track. It was like some Geroge Benson "White Rabbit." In fact, it could have been where he got it, but you never knew. The great producers can chop up a sample so intricately and well-crafted, that the essence remains, but the sound is fresh. It's really a basis for an argument that asserts that hop producers are in fact musicians and their MPCs and such are their instruments.

Anyways, Let's Ride was one of those tracks that created a mood for me. It dropped in the Fall and it had a euro-feel to it, like it was extracted from something that might play in the background as you sat at a sidewalk bistro in Paris somehwere and sipped some coffee in Fall. It was relaxed, but it had an energy to it too. ya naa mean?

My sister had bought the Amplified, too. So I stole it from her when I visited her in NYC that winter and did some knowledge on the liner notes and I keep seeing this Jay Dee name come up for all these impeccable tracks. A couple months later, that same name shows up on, like, 10 of Common's tracks off Like Water. And then a couple months after that, Dilla and Slum drop Fantastic. Which mean that in the span of 6-9 months, Dilla's name was attached to production credits of about 60 songs.

In my opinion, Dilla's Summer 99-Summer 00 is the Greatest Year of Production for any hop producer, surpassing Primo's 1994-95 when he produced Hard To Earn, Sun Rises and Livin Proof.

That's sayin a whole lot there. But think about that -- those three albums Dilla produced in that span are remarkable. But lets rewind a bit more. Back in 1995, when Primo was wrappin up his landmark string of production -- Dilla was actually intoduced to us.

Do this knowledge.

I had absolutely no idea that he made those beats on that album. "Runnin"? That track was so ill. That was long before Timbo tried to freak some latin into Ryde or Die track he did for the Lox, which I thought was fly and very Timbo-like. And he did "Drop", too, which was a foreshadowing of how Dilla could get on his space cadet missions, such as "Lightworks", which is my favorite cut off the Donuts album. I like how Dilla took a sound that gave us a similar fill to the water-torture effect Primo laid on "Come Clean", but hollowed it, played with the pitch and made it part of a composite that sounded like some sapce age video game.

The whole concept of Donuts was so ill to me, because Dilla basically set out on a mission to make songs without a lyricist or a singer -- or at least thats the way it seems to me. Some newbees might hear a lot of what Dilla did on the album and ignorantly claim he was bitin Kanye, when really what they mean was he's bitin Rza. But, I disagree. I don't think Dilla dropped that album, like "Here, check these beats. It's some new ish I'm on." I think homeboy tried to make an album, not just a collection of beats. He didn't want it to be an instrumental tape. He wanted it to have the feeling of an album. So he dug in the crates and found singers and rappers that he used, by cutting up their lyrics, to essentially make actual songs. Do some knowledge on a lot of those cuts -- they have actual verses and hooks. It was genius.

I'm gonna reserve an analysis on how he changed music, how he created a new sound, how he's made Detroit one of the four or five most thriving music cities at the moment and all that for the list.

Until then, I'll say this...

Me and my niggas and my fam...we don't cry much. But music has that effect. I remember my lil sis P saying that she shed some tears at a Bilal concert in NYC. Not becuase he was talkin about broken hearts or tugging at heart strings, but because of the vibe he had created on stage with his band. Nothing, musically, is more emotional than improvisation -- especially between band members. The whole basis of improv is reacting off each others notes and chords and all that is produced from a seat of emotion. Critics and onlookers used to say that Trane and his quartet used to be on the verge of death on stage because, through improv, they had pushed each other to energy and emotional levels that were unhealthy. Elvin Jones, Tranes great drummer, got at the essence when he said, "You gotta be willing to die with a muthaf***a." So when P told me that Bilal and the band had reached this zenith of emotion through improvised collaboration, her being a Thomas, I could see how she couldve become emotionally moved and overwhelmed to the point of tears.

On the flipside, I've seen my Pops cry three times. Once when I was a wee-lad and the burden of caring for four children, with one on the way, on a meager salary had just gotten to him. He sat on the end of his bed cryin. Maybe five or six years later he had finished talkin to friend that was tellin my Pops how difficult it was to raise one of his kids that had gone astray and that caused Pops to shed a couple tears, maybe of guilt, maybe he felt he was too demanding or too hard on us, whatever it was, it made a grown man cry. The only other time I saw dude cry was when we were at the Kennedy Center in DC to see Herbie Hancock with a band he was touring with on his Tribue to Trane tour. He was with heavy hitters like Roy Hargrove, Brecker, Brian Blad and Pattitucci -- all among the most critically acclaimed on their respective instrument. But just as P cried overwhelmed by a bands interaction and creativity and vibe -- Pops cried because he sat there in the Kennedy Center, a splendid hall, in the midst of rich and culture vultures and he felt trapped, shackled. He couldnt react to a music built on call-n-response of the black church. Too much reaction and u were gettin kicked out. Even the musicians seemed reigned in -- it was almost an epiphanic experience for him, an indication on how far gone jazz is from its roots. He said the music had been hijacked. The lack of emotion and creativity and vibe, that night, led him to tears.

I've seen my nigga Rek cry twice. Once in a limo and once in a basement.

On the way to his wedding, the mood was reflective. Earlier that weekend, we had happened upon the song Manolete off Weather Report's seminal album, Sweetnighter. I say happened upon, because that's what happens sometimes with "great albums" -- you spend so much time listening and digesting the more popular, sometimes landmark songs that you overlook hidden gems. In this case, "Boogie Woogie Waltz" was the landmark song. It's now a jazz standard revised by dozens and dozens of artists. But Manolete was always there, the very next track. It was vintage Wayne, blowin the prettiest soprano sax, because that's just what he did. And Miroslauv laid down a bassline that spawned my penchant for using female body parts and actions to describe musical sounds. In this case, Miroslauv's bass sounded like a curvacious black woman switchin in some low-rise jeans. Bewteen the sensual bassline, Waynes's soprano sounding like he wanted to go to Africa and cure Aids and Zawinul's weighty, spacious chords -- it had us all in a daze. But with Rek about to make that serious leap into marriage, it broke him down. He didn't even say much, other than, "It's just so beautiful man."

About a year later, during the Session of 2004, I dropped "Joshua" off Max Roach's "Lift Every Voice and Sing" album. He had teamed up with Billy Harper, to produce an album that was like a historical account 19th century southern black america, complete with choir choruses. Joshua is one of those songs that, every once in a while, somone unearths that almost exhausts you emotional. At the end of the track, the lights came on, most of us were watery-eyed, Rek had straight-up tears trickling down his cheeks. Then the hugs came.

Only music can do that.

I say ALL that to illustrate that I grew up in a music family and my closest friends are music dudes. We don;t just listen to music, it's not just somethin to dance to. we feel music. As for my Pops and my niggas, we're grown men that don;t cry at romamtic flix, don't cry when we sprain our ankles, don't cry when our bosses frustrate us or when people call us names. But a Billy Harper solo can have us sobbin.

Dilla did that to me last week. I wasn;t ballin, wasn't a teary mess. But toward the end of Donuts I got a little misty. I was no doubt sad that night Vino left a voicemail about Dilla's death. My mood and disposition definitely change. Almost like when I learned that Magic was retiring because he got the HIV or when my favorite musician, Joe Henderson, died a few years back. I grew attached to Dilla's music. It's like he was making those beats just for me, because they always tasted just right.

Homeboy was a monster and as I'm lookin out in hiphop right now, no one else is scarin me like him. That's scary.

Friday, February 17, 2006

A Couple Things XVIII

-- I've located a copy of the Dilla, which of course means that I'll have to travel into Tampa. The good thing is that I'll be able to expense the purchase and have work pay for it, since I'm writing a feature on Dilla's death. It'll be from an interesting perspective and I hope it turns out to read as insightful as I'm expecting it. I will definitely give you all a link once it's completed. This also means that the hiphop producers novel blog, that will include my Dilla eulogy/appreciation, will be posted Monday.

-- I haven't watched any of these Winter Olympics, havent read anything about them. Can somebody please tell me why we should care about this stuff. Other than Olumpic pageantry, what's the appeal?

-- In the midst of this year's Oscar buzz, Freedomland is the first film to get Oscar buzz for next year's Oscars. This surprised me, because when I saw the previews, I though, "I might kop that on DVD when it drops, or catch it at the $2 show". And that was solely based off the fact that Sam Jackson was in it.

Over the past four or five years, Sam has the distinction of being in more movies than any other Hollywood actor. Jude Law tried to test him in 2004, but he wasn't seeing Sam. But what thats done is put Sam in a box, especially because he seems to play the same character in many of the films and because he can wear whigs and hairpieces rivaled only by Marv Albert and Chris Kattan in that More Cowbell skit.

So these days, when I see Sam in a movie, I'm thinking, "Average flick that the studio produced to make anywhere from $60-90 mill at the box office. Probably entertaining, but only to mock and make fun of Sam." But how can this happen Jules Winnfield, Carl Lee Hailey and Elijah Price?

The fact that Sam was in an Oscar-worthy film totally through me for a loop, especially since director Joe Roth ws attached to movies like Jerky Boys and one of my Top 10 favorites, Heavyweights.

The same thing is happening to Denzel. Think about his recent roles: Man on Fire, Out of Time. Getting a lil tiresome. But, I think the new Spike flick he's starring in, Inside Man, might juice him a lil bit, even though he's playing a blatant protagonist cop trying to foil the some mysterious evil plot of Clive Owens. It might turn out to be more of the same, but Spike is never on some okey-doke steez.

Anyways, for my Wire niggas out there...Richard Price wrote this script for Freedomland (I think he may have wrote a novel, but not sure) and he wrote Clockers and few episodes of the Wire including the Moral Midgetry episode when the Lt. started going hard with legal drug zone.

Anglo Piracy

Remember way back in the day I said I was gonna blog about Anglo-piracy. How sectors of mainstream western culture take creations of others, usually some ethnic group, and make it theirs or don't recognize the creators as they welcome accolades? Think Elvis or music critics. I really started thinking about this last year after I watched Bird . Clint Eastwood produced and directed the movie, so I thought it would be legit. Clint, after all, is the white Bill Cosby when it comes to jazz, the most recognizeable, star figure that openly and generously supports the great American music, a dude who you really respect, who u'd think probably has like 1,000 vinyls and what not. someone who respects the music. See, a lot of jazz-entusiats don;t respect jazz, especially the creators. I was thinking that the Bird movie would really give me some insight into Charlie Parker, show me how this man revolutionized American music and instrumentation worldwide. Instead, I got a story that obsessed over his white wife and gave too much credit to Red, some white trumpet player that wasn;t even one of the 10 best in his generation. That always happens in Hollywood, in magazines and so forth.

That's the short version of my problems with Bird and the whole reason I started thinking about this again was because of this story in the Tampa Tribune. Leave it to some wack Flroida city like Orlando or Tampa to write a story on graffitti like it's the new thing. That's what initially annoyed me about the story, that they made this out to be some hot, new trend, like it hasn't been thriving as street art and high-end art for over two decades now.

But more than that, these idiots offered maybe two whole sentences about its roots in Ew York.

"Although the form is not new - it began in New York in the 1970s as the graffiti, hip-hop and skateboard cultures evolved - it lately has received more mainstream acceptance."

That was the only mention they gave to the artforms history and tradition. They act like Basquiat wasn't selling some of his graffitti back in the 80s. Like people are just gettin hip to graffitti as art. It just burns me that an ignoramous might read the article and think these fake, wannabe hipsters in Tampa, riding skateboards, are taking graffitti art to a new level and have no idea where the art began, how it developed and where it has gone. Fact is, Tampa, like everyone in Florida is just short, theyre slow, new to the game. So mention that, but don';t try to fake the reader into thinking these sloofoot, stuck in the (fill in decade) Flroidian artsies around here are breaking some new ground.

Guru, Jazzmatazz 2, Song 12. Do your knowledge.

Gumbel: Tom and Tom

A friend of mind mentioned Bryant Gumbel this afternoon and I immediately thought about how my perception of him has changed so drastically over the past four or five years.

I grew up identifying him with the world's supreme and quintessential Uncle Toms. To me, he epitomized and personified the notion of a sell out for so long. My image was most definitely influenced by the way Keenan and Damon Wayans parodied him in their Tom & Tom skits. And back then, being young and superficial and judgemental, I listened to his voice (high pitched and nasaly), looked at how he laughed that contrived, CEO-laugh at the corniest of jokes, saw his Just For Me haircut and knew there was no way he had even an inkling of brotha in him.

But then I saw this segment on Ali, it might have even been in the When We Were Kings documentary and I saw a pic of Gumble with an afro in the 60s and listened to him talk about his, almost, blind support of Ali, because Ali was for freedom and a civil-rights martyr and hero...and heard him talk about how he picketed and how he grew to, almost, despise Joe Frazier because of the devious support he received from evil American powers and ideologies. And I started doing knowledge on Gumbel. Checking my previously held notions about him. I went back and read some interviews he's done, I read a Sports Illustrated profile Rick Reilly did on him before he hosted the Seoul Olympics. I found out mad ish about this brotha. How he wasn't a shucker and jiver. How he was strong and confident and regularly cast floodlights on issues most in mainstream media ignored or were ignorant of. Then I started checking REAL SPORTS on HBO out a lot some years ago. I saw how he consistently tackled a lot of the social issues swirling through sports, the same ones I ponder. JUst this season he had the joint about racism in soccer and the diope profile on John Thompson III.

So recently, amybe in the past year or so I started rethinking how I tend to quickly define people. put them in boxes. Its entirely hypocritical, since I take it as a fantastic injustice anytime someone typecasts me without getting to know who I am. But, on the other hand, the scarred hand, I'm one of the most predjudice people in the world. And, I'm not just talking through race. I'm talking gender, class. I mean, I'll put you in a box based on what CD you have in your system. Which is wrong, because Justin Timberlake is in my CD player right now.

Now, I'm not saying that the leaf is flipped to the other side. I'm not even saying I'm making any concerted effort to turn it over...I guess, I'm just saying.

Gumbel also makes me think about how sports are always so much more than games. Think about it, I know more about Gumbel based on which Ali-Frazier side he chose, then perhaps anything else. You can learn alot about the world and individuals through some games that people play. its a crazy notion.

And secondly, you gotta watch where your career takes you. I think about that alot these days, because I have a very real prospect at possibly some type of pseudo-television personality, at some point...but thats if I choose to take it there and pursue that and 'm not sure I want to. Part of who Gumbel was got murked up in his morning news show personality. The fact that u have to do fluff segments and pine to guests and laugh at corny jokes, it led a whole generation to be deceived into thinking that Gumbel was some Tom, even though he's anything but a Tom.

Now that Ralph Wiley died, Gumbel is the new dude in this journalism business that I think I can learn the most from. I gotta get at dude so he can show me how to do this.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Music Dude update

Good responses coming through on the definitive producers-list. Just so you know...I chose 7, because 5 is too exclusive. What you'll run into is a list with like 4 in one class and one not of that stature. so the list becomes The Four Dudes and That Other Kat. But 10 is too inclusive. I think 7 is a good medium and fair balance. Plus, 7 is biblical...and if any says Bible, it's Dr. Dre.

Also, I cannot do this list -- which is also doubling as a Dilla eulogy -- without listening to his new joint, Donuts first. And as yall know, I have to travel 30-45 miles to get music like that. So the novel-blog may be delayed a bit. But stay tuned.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Music Dude sneak peek

Who are the seven greatest hiphop producers of the modern era (1993-now)? I started thinking about this early last week and then this happened. Jay Dee dying was traumatic for me on so many levels.

Don't have time to get into all this, but expect a novel-blog before the end of the week.

and for all hip hoppers, I'm taking nominations via email, txt msg or blog comment.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Thin Blood?

We're in the middle of a cold front here in the Tampa Bay area. No frontin. I'm talkin serious cold front. It's 44 degress outside right now. That's arctic for this area. It'll dip below 32 tonight, which means, in theory it could snow.

Sunday, I was coming back from the gym and I stopped into CVS to buy two pints of Haagen Daaz ice cream because I like to exert enrgy and spend time on things and then render them moot. I stepped into the store in just a jersey and T-shirt. It was about 50 outside. After my man Jerry the Register Man complimented me once again on my Daaz Game (i hit em with the English Tofee this time), he remarked "It's colder than a d*ck brick out there ain't it." I snapped out of the daze that "d*ck brick" put me in, stuck my nose in the air and said, "Come on on Jerrs, I'm from Buffalo, you know that. It's like a sauna out there."

"Well wait till you've been down here for 20 years like Ol' Jerry and your blood thins out. Then you'll be quivering just like me when you go out there. I got out the car and I darn near stuck my legs to my sack like a tongue to apole it was so cold out there." Again, he lost me.

But let's go back about a hlaf-scene...I don't get this whole "blodd-thinning" thing. Please, would some of my science geek friends that read books and stuff please get with me on this? Put Twist on to this blood-thinning thing, because it really makes no sense to me.

I mean, are you saying that human blood is, in fact, a substance that resembles a Sonic milk-shake or motor oil in viscosity; and that years in warm weather melts my blood and makes it thinner? This just doesn't make sense. So are Northerners more susceptible to blood clots, because the constant cold weather is freezing and thickening our blood like adding flour to butter and making a rue? So what you're saying is that Southerners have better blood circulation? because thinner blood should obviously circulate through our bodies better.

And what does this have to do with staying warm or getting cold? I always thought it had to do with skin and fat. That a fat person, no matter the weather, will stay warmer than a skinny person, since the fat person is insulated by layers of blubber, sticks of butter and undigested veal chops. Then there's thick skin. not the thick skin I get from spending close to 20 years having my closest of friends call me things like Vinny Tits or walking into a room of my bestest pals and having 63% of them greet me with things like, "Look at this fat dude." No that's figurative thick-skin, the kind that allows you laugh off ridicule and public, but vanishes in the privacy of your shower when you cry buckets of tears and beat your tits in lamentation.

No, not that type of thick skin. I guess, I thought that something happenned to your skin in prolonged exposure to cold weather, i dont know if its another layer or maybe the skin gets hardened or loses sensitivity or what it is, but I know this: I struggle to see how the consistency of our blood factors in. I mean, if some hobo hillbilly from Mobile scrapes his knee, does blood spill out like Kool-Aid? And if that's the case, if some polish sausage eatin rube from Illinois gets a fat-lip in a barfight, does blood ooze out of it like molasses or Heinz ketchup? And if this is case, which it probably isn't, how the heck does this effect how cold someone gets?

Help me, because I wasn't into books and reading and learning and stuff. Especially not science and things that hurt my brain. Matter fact, my biology class was one of those rare classes in school where the planets and class schedules aligned and almost every degenerate, disruptive, clown all got the same class. Mr. Geelan called us the Bonehead class, he did so with half affection and half exasperation.

I spent Biology doing one of three things, in particular order: 1) trying to bum 50 cent off a rich kid, a girl or someone i thought was mildly scared of me, so I could go buy a snicker. 2) writing a rhyme or drafting my personal All-American Team and then thinking of realistic ways to come up with stats for each of them that would keep their All-American status without having the squad score 120 pts/game...in 1994, my freshmen year when we took Biology, it was probably Big Dog, Donyell, Jalen, JKidd, Eddie Jones and Corliss. or 3). asking questions that had nothing to do with subject we were talking about, but somehow managed to come across as being earnest, which is why teachers rarely viewed me a simply a trouble-maker. Maybe the question was: "I don't get this blood thinning thing Mr. Geelan, it doesn;t make since to me. I mean, why does everyone make a big deal about thin this and thin that. Like, the other day Kenny Anderson was on Sports Center and he said they lost to the Denver Nuggest because the air was thin. What the heck is thin air? And what does it have to do with sea-levels? Do other places have fat air? Does Provo have fat air? Does Boston have fat air? Does Acapulco have fat air? And wouldn't it be easier to breathe in thin air than fat air? I'm sorry, Mr. Geelan, but science is stupid." That's when I'd turn to the class and say, "See yall, that's I'm not comin tomorrow. I'm gonna go to another lunch instead of comin hear and not learning anything. Maybe Ms. Lisa will give me some extra taters if I say something like, "Ms. Lisa you may be a 45-year-old, big ol' gospel church lookin woman, but gimme a 40 oz. and a few hallucinigens and I'd hit that."

So you see, science was never my thing, which is makin it hard for me to grasp this thin-blood madness without immediately disregarding it as rigamarol.

It's 44 degrees outside. I need to stop at my CVS to pick up some conditioner. If Jerry the Register Man says one word to me about d*ck bricks, I'm launching into a rambling diatribe similar to what I've just blogged.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I know You Got Soul.

(Shout to the Gawd Rakim and respect due to Paid in Full. Hiphoppers check the reference.)
Yo...it's Ghostface Twist comin atcha in 06. I know, I know...I've been straight Casper this week. And I can explain. You won't like the explanation, but it's an explanation nonetheless.

Here it is, dig it: Lethargy and Zeal. How is that for a dichotomous mix of energy-levels. But I'm like that, naa mean? I'd like to say that my bi-polarness creates this enigmatic mist around me, that I'm a sexy mystery...but the truth is, yall know I'm just a loser that lacks consistency -- not only in actions, but personality, as well. Which makes it able for me to be lethargic and zealous at the same time.

Indulge me for a sec, though. I've been waking up at, like, noon everyday this week -- lethargy. I mean, my alrm goes off at 9 and creditors start calling me every minute around 9, but I just toss and turn in my bed as sweat pools form in the crotch region. But when I wake up, instead of heading to work, I head to gym on a zealous quest for fitness -- zeal.

It's also stupidity, since what happens is that I get to work at 2 or 3pm and have no time for whimsical and insightful forays on this site that so many of u deem essential to a making your days whole.

So, for that, I apologize.

There's one other thing, though, that's added to my latest stint in the Cut: internet access. I dropped Bell South like 8am college class. We had problems and I have deviant pride and now I have no internet. Has been the case for the past month. But not to worry, me and Brighthouse are about to go for a dance at a fraction of the cost. So that Bell South! Yeah, put in your blender and mix it with some banana cognac beatch!

Needless to say, tomorrow, I'll be comin atcha with some love. I mean, I got a lot on my mind. Things like: Kanye and Kobe, white collar crimes, the Super Bowl and friends, where does Timbaland fit in the all-time list for hiphop producers and why?, what's the ultimate broke-nigga meal -- a hot dog, PBJ or grilled cheese?...i mean, i just been thinking about things that define mankind's existence, things like, "Is Mic gay? And if not, why does he prance and dance like a queer and dress like a retired homo?" I need to share my thoughts.

Stay tuned, I'll Be Right Back like the Infamous Ones.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

The Commish: All-Star spots

I gotta run people. But I thought I'd be guilty of malfeasance if I didn't let you know who should and shouldnt be on your NBA All-Star squad.

Starters are announced today, but most fans are stupid. This is how things should look.

I'll have multiple, non-sports posts up tomorrow.

EAST
starters
G: Ive
G: Billups
F: Bron
F: Vince
C: Diesel

reserves
G: Gil
G: Wade
G: Rip
F: Uncle Pauly
F: Sheed
F: O'Neal
F: Howard

sorry: Ben, Bosh, Ason "No J" Kidd (that's courtesy of Chuck), TJ, Webb and Twain Jamison.

WEST
starters

G: Nash
G: 81
F: Dirk
F: Duncan
C: Camby

reserves
G: Baron
G: Sammy
F: Brand
F: Marion
F: KG
F: Carmelo
F: Gasol

sorry Mac, Parker (his exclusion was out of spite), Okur, Lil Chrissy.