Music Dude negligence
Vino...I got the comment, and I know what ur talkin bout. the Music Dude criitique is comin soon. hold tight.
posted by Twistinado @ 6:20 PM
0 comments
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
My Moms
Mom is gonna kill me for puttin this out there like this, but I'm posting a portion of an email she sent to me and my sis Lyd.
I live here and Lyd lives in the Bronx, so sometimes we get double-team emails from Mom. And they are almost certainly Classic of the Classics each time. I'll give you a little background first, then hit u with the portion of the email, then provide a quick character analysis of why she does and says the things she does and says.
Background: Me and The Fam, including my cousins and some aunts and uncles are about two weeks away from our Family Cruise to the Carribean, one in which my cousin Mel-Mel initially inquired "OK, I'm down, but how much are we talkin'...C-notes-wise?"
Anyways, Mom is past excited, so she hits me and Lyd with periodic messages relating her excitement. This past email was downright giddy and contained the graf below and that embodied everything she's about. It was entitled "I Can't stand the excitement....:)" Enjoy this exert:
I've already started pulling out my stuff, got my list done with my outfits & accessories... now it's all about washing (freshen stuff up) and packing... "good googala boogala" (old school slang)..... :) Dad's getting excited too.... but who knows what kinda clothes he'll bring in his 'plastic grocery bags'... hee hee... I'm just trying to get a sideways shout out for my new Louis Vitton carry on luggage... sweet. ..
I read this in the morning and sprayed coffee on my laptop screen. Let me tell you why this was so Linda J.
First off, I was tellin Lyd a few weeks back that as we get older are parents become more like children, until, one day, they're 70 and you're actually takin care of them. I call it the Relay-Reverse, the child-parent relationship slowly and grdually reversing. In our case -- parent 51 -- the process has begun with two things: hurt feelings and giddiness. Hurt feelings like my Pops once saying to my lil bro A-Eazy, "You hurt me Adam...you really hurt me." This after Adam asked pops if he put syrup in the sauce for the honey-barbecue chicken. It was totally extra and emotional and in a way, childish. Pops was right...he does all the cookin in the crib back in Buff and people rarely compliment him unless its critique, but back when he was avibrant 35 or even 45, he'd have told A to shut up or respond with somethin like, "Naw that ain't honey, you lil jive nigga. that's all that tooth decay you tastin on your bent up choppers"
Moms favorite thing is to be real extra with her excitement. The lead sentence of her email included, "do you have the crazy butterflies in the stomach?" And I know where she's comin from, believe me. I feel her...but it's kinda like how I used to get the weeks leading up to a trip to the amusement park. But you gotta love Mom for that. And the fact is, my parents are working-class, straight up-n-down, Mom-n-Dad parents. They aint takin no trips around the world and livin this glorious "all-my-children-are-adults" lifestyle. The bulk of their adulthood was spent caring and providing for us and now they're trying to do what they gotta do to get out of that financial hole between now and retirement. They are the most noble of parents...but theyre also like kids, especially Moms, in that when they do go somewhere or do something exciting, because it doesn't happen all the time, it's like the world is a big disco ball. My mother will email me and Lyd itineraries for when we come home to Buffalo and it'll be like, a month in advance.
And check the amil excert...Mom is already packing...sort of like how I used to arrange the clothes on my bed for the first week of school and it'd be like, two weeks away.
Back to the email excet, though..."good-googla-boogla"? Mom has been sayin that since, like, 1987. She tried, in her constant efforts to be hip, to say that the phrase is "old-school slang", but we know its not. ve never heard anyone else, besides Mom, spit that phrase, unless one of us were mocking her. But I love all of her random slang-terms. And there always phrases used to express either excitement or exasperation. Phrases like: good-googla-boogla, shee-gads, shoots-yea, u get the pic.
But perhaps the most telling aspect of that excert is that I can guaranee you that it was all a ploy to let us know that she just kopped some LV luggage. I was talkin to my lil sis P the other day and we were laughin at how I shamelessly trumpet my accomplishments and find backroad, convuluted ways to do so...such as, bringing up a conversation topic that, 10 minutes down the road, will end up shining the spotlight on something I did that I appreciated. So I told (half-jokingly, half-serious), "You can't blame me...I'm your mother and your father's son." And its true, I get it from them, but especially Mom.
And notice how she straight clowned Pops luggage-situation (and she was tellin the truth...homeboy travels in plastic bags, its shamless), but she clowned Pops to set up a situation where her luggae seemed even doper. It was like pointing at fat person and remarking about their appearance and then saying somethin like, "Can you tell I lost 30 pounds."
And she knew what she was doing, because she prefaced her Louis plug by admitting she was trying to get in a "sideways shout". Please let that phrase marinate...a sideways-shout? I was spent after that one.
But this is part of what this blog is for, giving you a peek at my crazy parents to give you a better idea of why I'm so brilliant, yet so very flawed.
Being imperfect...if you play it right, it can be loads of fun.
BTW: If you think I'm not gonna have a novel-blog ready after the Fam Cruise, then you don't know Twist very well at all.
I live here and Lyd lives in the Bronx, so sometimes we get double-team emails from Mom. And they are almost certainly Classic of the Classics each time. I'll give you a little background first, then hit u with the portion of the email, then provide a quick character analysis of why she does and says the things she does and says.
Background: Me and The Fam, including my cousins and some aunts and uncles are about two weeks away from our Family Cruise to the Carribean, one in which my cousin Mel-Mel initially inquired "OK, I'm down, but how much are we talkin'...C-notes-wise?"
Anyways, Mom is past excited, so she hits me and Lyd with periodic messages relating her excitement. This past email was downright giddy and contained the graf below and that embodied everything she's about. It was entitled "I Can't stand the excitement....:)" Enjoy this exert:
I've already started pulling out my stuff, got my list done with my outfits & accessories... now it's all about washing (freshen stuff up) and packing... "good googala boogala" (old school slang)..... :) Dad's getting excited too.... but who knows what kinda clothes he'll bring in his 'plastic grocery bags'... hee hee... I'm just trying to get a sideways shout out for my new Louis Vitton carry on luggage... sweet. ..
I read this in the morning and sprayed coffee on my laptop screen. Let me tell you why this was so Linda J.
First off, I was tellin Lyd a few weeks back that as we get older are parents become more like children, until, one day, they're 70 and you're actually takin care of them. I call it the Relay-Reverse, the child-parent relationship slowly and grdually reversing. In our case -- parent 51 -- the process has begun with two things: hurt feelings and giddiness. Hurt feelings like my Pops once saying to my lil bro A-Eazy, "You hurt me Adam...you really hurt me." This after Adam asked pops if he put syrup in the sauce for the honey-barbecue chicken. It was totally extra and emotional and in a way, childish. Pops was right...he does all the cookin in the crib back in Buff and people rarely compliment him unless its critique, but back when he was avibrant 35 or even 45, he'd have told A to shut up or respond with somethin like, "Naw that ain't honey, you lil jive nigga. that's all that tooth decay you tastin on your bent up choppers"
Moms favorite thing is to be real extra with her excitement. The lead sentence of her email included, "do you have the crazy butterflies in the stomach?" And I know where she's comin from, believe me. I feel her...but it's kinda like how I used to get the weeks leading up to a trip to the amusement park. But you gotta love Mom for that. And the fact is, my parents are working-class, straight up-n-down, Mom-n-Dad parents. They aint takin no trips around the world and livin this glorious "all-my-children-are-adults" lifestyle. The bulk of their adulthood was spent caring and providing for us and now they're trying to do what they gotta do to get out of that financial hole between now and retirement. They are the most noble of parents...but theyre also like kids, especially Moms, in that when they do go somewhere or do something exciting, because it doesn't happen all the time, it's like the world is a big disco ball. My mother will email me and Lyd itineraries for when we come home to Buffalo and it'll be like, a month in advance.
And check the amil excert...Mom is already packing...sort of like how I used to arrange the clothes on my bed for the first week of school and it'd be like, two weeks away.
Back to the email excet, though..."good-googla-boogla"? Mom has been sayin that since, like, 1987. She tried, in her constant efforts to be hip, to say that the phrase is "old-school slang", but we know its not. ve never heard anyone else, besides Mom, spit that phrase, unless one of us were mocking her. But I love all of her random slang-terms. And there always phrases used to express either excitement or exasperation. Phrases like: good-googla-boogla, shee-gads, shoots-yea, u get the pic.
But perhaps the most telling aspect of that excert is that I can guaranee you that it was all a ploy to let us know that she just kopped some LV luggage. I was talkin to my lil sis P the other day and we were laughin at how I shamelessly trumpet my accomplishments and find backroad, convuluted ways to do so...such as, bringing up a conversation topic that, 10 minutes down the road, will end up shining the spotlight on something I did that I appreciated. So I told (half-jokingly, half-serious), "You can't blame me...I'm your mother and your father's son." And its true, I get it from them, but especially Mom.
And notice how she straight clowned Pops luggage-situation (and she was tellin the truth...homeboy travels in plastic bags, its shamless), but she clowned Pops to set up a situation where her luggae seemed even doper. It was like pointing at fat person and remarking about their appearance and then saying somethin like, "Can you tell I lost 30 pounds."
And she knew what she was doing, because she prefaced her Louis plug by admitting she was trying to get in a "sideways shout". Please let that phrase marinate...a sideways-shout? I was spent after that one.
But this is part of what this blog is for, giving you a peek at my crazy parents to give you a better idea of why I'm so brilliant, yet so very flawed.
Being imperfect...if you play it right, it can be loads of fun.
BTW: If you think I'm not gonna have a novel-blog ready after the Fam Cruise, then you don't know Twist very well at all.
posted by Twistinado @ 5:28 PM
1 comments
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Music Dude: Sorry I left you...
It's been a minute right? Well in that 60 seconds, the Music Dude has kopped a crap-load of albums and I got so much to say. Critiques comin soon...
Talib Kweli
Slum Village
Wallace Roney
Sean Jones
Incubus
Bob Dylan
Max Roach
Lil Kim
Frank Sinatra
Platinum Pied Pipers
Spacek
Talib Kweli
Slum Village
Wallace Roney
Sean Jones
Incubus
Bob Dylan
Max Roach
Lil Kim
Frank Sinatra
Platinum Pied Pipers
Spacek
posted by Twistinado @ 4:02 PM
1 comments
They call him Twitlock
I'm sitting in my little brother Joey Maese's room, fiddling with the computer and drinking a Miller Lite. In the midst of all this, I just came across the illest, smartest, dopest column I've read all year...and I don't even really dance with this dude all like that.
Anyways, my site is by no means some schmuck sports blahg, but for all my dudes...enjoy....
(i'm only giving u the important parts)
By Jason WhitlockSpecial to Page 2
10. Terrell Owens didn't create the division in the Philadelphia Eagles' locker room. Donovan McNabb's contract did.
Listen, there are a million reasons this column is considered must-read material by NFL executives, players, media, wives, groupies, cheerleaders and fans. What I'm about to share with you is reason number 1,000,001.
Like the rest of America, you were probably shocked to see Philly linebacker Jeremiah Trotter on ESPN2 stumping for T.O.'s return last week. And you've probably wondered why the Philly players haven't been united in their disdain of all things T.O. The guy has been a major distraction and a major pain in the you-know-what since August. To an outsider, it would appear that T.O. has single-handedly ruined team chemistry.
But the Philly players have been mysteriously quiet when it comes to criticizing T.O. Only team "ambassador" Hugh Douglas has had the courage to stand up to him. (And, by the way, according to several sources, Owens body-slammed Douglas and nearly opened a can of whoop-ass on the former defensive end.) All the other Eagles shy away from commenting on T.O.'s antics, or offer themselves up as mediators between T.O. and Philly management or T.O. and McNabb.
To this date, I haven't heard or seen one Eagle step in front of a camera and say, "Ah, hell, naw T.O. I ain't gonna let you talk 'bout my quarterback like that. Donovan is our leader. When you attack Donovan, you're attacking this team."
Donovan McNabb's teammates haven't exactly come to his defense.Nope. All you hear from the Eagles is some Jimmy Carter-type garbage.
Why?
Because Philly management has played hardball at the negotiating table with all of the veteran talent except for its $115-million quarterback, Donovan McNabb, who received a record contract extension in 2003 despite having four years left on his original deal.
Andy Reid and Jeff Lurie have no problem kicking a money-hungry vet to the curb. Just ask Bobby Taylor, Troy Vincent, Corey Simon, Hugh Douglas and Jeremiah Trotter.
Despite plenty of cap room, the Eagles don't mind squeezing their pennies. No one should be surprised that Trotter has elected himself T.O.'s unofficial spokesman. Reid and Lurie humbled Trotter in a very public way. They let the run-stuffing linebacker run off to the Ben Franklin-filled arms of Daniel Snyder in 2002, and then welcomed Trotter back as a veteran's-minimum special-teamer in 2004.
Afraid to leave defensive coordinator Jim Johnson's protective cocoon after flopping in Washington, Trotter, a Pro Bowler again, signed a below-market contract with the Eagles last offseason. Trotter is now living vicariously through T.O. So are several other Eagles -- many of whom are in-the-closet McNabb haters.
Think about it. Terrell Owens basically validated Rush Limbaugh's "overrated" charge against McNabb and no Philly player has come to Donovan's defense. If T.O. had gone on TV and said, "We'd have a better record if Brian Urlacher was our middle linebacker," I guarantee you Trotter would be offended.
The Philly players feel that McNabb is overpaid. That's not unusual. Most NFL players justifiably believe that the starting quarterback is overpaid. Emmitt Smith was always the most valuable player on the Cowboys, but Emmitt never got his money as easily as Troy Aikman.
The difference between Philly and Dallas -- besides the Cowboys' championships -- is that Jerry Jones eventually paid his veteran contributors. Lurie and Reid replace their vets with younger, cheaper players year after year. It's good business. But it's not good for team chemistry. And it certainly puts McNabb in a difficult spot.
9. I can't decide if this McNabb vs. Owens war reminds me more of Ralph Tresvant vs. Bobby Brown or Stringer Bell vs. Avon Barksdale.
Brown and Owens have a lot in common -- the mental instability, the need for attention, the lip gloss. Bobby was always jealous of Ralph because Bobby knew he was the most talented singer in New Edition. It drove Bobby crazy that all the girls went crazy over Ralph, so Bobby basically started stripping on stage and grabbing his crotch. It's really no different from a shirtless T.O. doing sit-ups in his driveway. If I go with the New Edition analogy, Trotter would be Ronnie DeVoe. Ronnie didn't want to boot Bobby out of the group. But when the members all reunited for the Home Again tour, it was Ronnie's crew and Bobby's crew that wound up firing shots at each other.
But you could also argue that Owens is Avon (from the HBO series "The Wire"), the on-the-grind hustler determined to keep it street. McNabb is making the same mistake Stringer Bell made. McNabb is trying to stay above the street stuff. He's got millions in the bank and doesn't want a beef with some knucklehead about street corners. It's a noble position, but McNabb is losing his soldiers, the men who are supposed to protect him from street urchins like T.O. In this scenario, Drew Rosenhaus would be Slim Charles, Avon's smooth-talking street muscle: "It don't matter who did what to whom. Fact is, we went to war an' now there ain't no goin' back … if it's a lie, then we fight on the lie. But we gotta fight."
Anyways, my site is by no means some schmuck sports blahg, but for all my dudes...enjoy....
(i'm only giving u the important parts)
By Jason WhitlockSpecial to Page 2
10. Terrell Owens didn't create the division in the Philadelphia Eagles' locker room. Donovan McNabb's contract did.
Listen, there are a million reasons this column is considered must-read material by NFL executives, players, media, wives, groupies, cheerleaders and fans. What I'm about to share with you is reason number 1,000,001.
Like the rest of America, you were probably shocked to see Philly linebacker Jeremiah Trotter on ESPN2 stumping for T.O.'s return last week. And you've probably wondered why the Philly players haven't been united in their disdain of all things T.O. The guy has been a major distraction and a major pain in the you-know-what since August. To an outsider, it would appear that T.O. has single-handedly ruined team chemistry.
But the Philly players have been mysteriously quiet when it comes to criticizing T.O. Only team "ambassador" Hugh Douglas has had the courage to stand up to him. (And, by the way, according to several sources, Owens body-slammed Douglas and nearly opened a can of whoop-ass on the former defensive end.) All the other Eagles shy away from commenting on T.O.'s antics, or offer themselves up as mediators between T.O. and Philly management or T.O. and McNabb.
To this date, I haven't heard or seen one Eagle step in front of a camera and say, "Ah, hell, naw T.O. I ain't gonna let you talk 'bout my quarterback like that. Donovan is our leader. When you attack Donovan, you're attacking this team."
Donovan McNabb's teammates haven't exactly come to his defense.Nope. All you hear from the Eagles is some Jimmy Carter-type garbage.
Why?
Because Philly management has played hardball at the negotiating table with all of the veteran talent except for its $115-million quarterback, Donovan McNabb, who received a record contract extension in 2003 despite having four years left on his original deal.
Andy Reid and Jeff Lurie have no problem kicking a money-hungry vet to the curb. Just ask Bobby Taylor, Troy Vincent, Corey Simon, Hugh Douglas and Jeremiah Trotter.
Despite plenty of cap room, the Eagles don't mind squeezing their pennies. No one should be surprised that Trotter has elected himself T.O.'s unofficial spokesman. Reid and Lurie humbled Trotter in a very public way. They let the run-stuffing linebacker run off to the Ben Franklin-filled arms of Daniel Snyder in 2002, and then welcomed Trotter back as a veteran's-minimum special-teamer in 2004.
Afraid to leave defensive coordinator Jim Johnson's protective cocoon after flopping in Washington, Trotter, a Pro Bowler again, signed a below-market contract with the Eagles last offseason. Trotter is now living vicariously through T.O. So are several other Eagles -- many of whom are in-the-closet McNabb haters.
Think about it. Terrell Owens basically validated Rush Limbaugh's "overrated" charge against McNabb and no Philly player has come to Donovan's defense. If T.O. had gone on TV and said, "We'd have a better record if Brian Urlacher was our middle linebacker," I guarantee you Trotter would be offended.
The Philly players feel that McNabb is overpaid. That's not unusual. Most NFL players justifiably believe that the starting quarterback is overpaid. Emmitt Smith was always the most valuable player on the Cowboys, but Emmitt never got his money as easily as Troy Aikman.
The difference between Philly and Dallas -- besides the Cowboys' championships -- is that Jerry Jones eventually paid his veteran contributors. Lurie and Reid replace their vets with younger, cheaper players year after year. It's good business. But it's not good for team chemistry. And it certainly puts McNabb in a difficult spot.
9. I can't decide if this McNabb vs. Owens war reminds me more of Ralph Tresvant vs. Bobby Brown or Stringer Bell vs. Avon Barksdale.
Brown and Owens have a lot in common -- the mental instability, the need for attention, the lip gloss. Bobby was always jealous of Ralph because Bobby knew he was the most talented singer in New Edition. It drove Bobby crazy that all the girls went crazy over Ralph, so Bobby basically started stripping on stage and grabbing his crotch. It's really no different from a shirtless T.O. doing sit-ups in his driveway. If I go with the New Edition analogy, Trotter would be Ronnie DeVoe. Ronnie didn't want to boot Bobby out of the group. But when the members all reunited for the Home Again tour, it was Ronnie's crew and Bobby's crew that wound up firing shots at each other.
But you could also argue that Owens is Avon (from the HBO series "The Wire"), the on-the-grind hustler determined to keep it street. McNabb is making the same mistake Stringer Bell made. McNabb is trying to stay above the street stuff. He's got millions in the bank and doesn't want a beef with some knucklehead about street corners. It's a noble position, but McNabb is losing his soldiers, the men who are supposed to protect him from street urchins like T.O. In this scenario, Drew Rosenhaus would be Slim Charles, Avon's smooth-talking street muscle: "It don't matter who did what to whom. Fact is, we went to war an' now there ain't no goin' back … if it's a lie, then we fight on the lie. But we gotta fight."
posted by Twistinado @ 3:57 PM
1 comments
Monday, November 21, 2005
I Had A Dream
I'm not that dude that wakes up each morning spending 20-20 minutes trying to analyze what I dreamed about the previous night. The dude who sits with his friends and says, "Yo, I had this crazy dream where I got castrated while I was ordering a triple scoop ice-cream cone at the Hagen Daaz on M Street. You think that means, that I need to check my appetitie before it prevents me from having kids?"
I'm not that dude. Most of my dreams are meaningless. I don't think dreams foreshadow anything or give me a look inside my true self, or none of that. I mean, true, Nebuchadnezzar had a dream that changed history. And MLK had a dream that has yet to be realized, but has motivated generations. But my ish isn;t like that.
For instance, I had a dream the other night where I was back home in DC, driving through Rock Creek Park, blaring Arthur Blythe with my windows down and a then Liger raced out the bushes, jumped through the front-passenger window and started mauling me. I woke up suddenly, like in the movies. I never do that, but I did this time. Did that mean anything? Should I stop playing music too loud? Should I stop watching Napoleon Dynamite scenes every night? Do I miss DC? Probably not, it was probably just a meaningless dream, rather than a composite of disparate thoughts that come together like a puzzle to tell me something essential.
But then there are things like last night that caused me to wake up around 5am and laugh at the irony. It was so me. You know how dreams are like sequences of completely, inane, insane madness right?
Well Twist was at the DMV dealing with a curt, rude, attitudnal employee. We started arguing (classic Twist) over something that dealt with her negligence, but it was all tied back to my ridiculous driving record. Then, mysteriously, she handed me her keys and told me that I had to watch over the DMV while she was gone. Little did I know, the DMV also housed a maximum security prison. The inmate were behind bullet-proof glass going wild since they saw that the woman left and gave her supervision to me. All I had to do to keep the inmates in the prison was turn this steering wheel 360 degrees every 30 seconds. But it was like turning a steering wheel without any "power steering", so after about 3 minutes, I said "Eff It" and let the dudes stream out the prison, into the DMV. They started robbing people, tipping the vending machines and doing random things like sword fighting with the keyboards.
Thats when the DMV worker came back and I let her have it...in a real rational way like I was an upset boss:
"How could you go to lunch and hand over the keys without clearly providing a back-up plan! The steering wheel had no power steering fluid and the timer was ticking at a pace much faster than real time! this was totally uncalled for and a clear demonstration that you lack what it takes to for upper management!!"
Then I stormed up some steps to leave the DMV.
When I got outside, it was raining. And all of sudden, I felt my feel soaking a cool puddle. I looked down and I had left my sneakers downstairs in the DMV. Which meant I had to humble myself, go back downstairs and ask for my Chuck Taylors. Of course, once I got down there, everything was back to normal. So I walked up to homegirl and told her to gimme my kicks.
Her reply? (Mom, forgive the language)
"What? Them Buddys? I threw them sh*ts in the dumpster. You too grown to be wearin them tired thangs."
It was classic and so indicative of how I get down. I end up somewhere like DMV to handle my license or Bell South to handle a bill I just chose not pay. I get there and start jumpin bad with people at the first sign of ineptitude, like a total hypocrite. In other situations, people will give me assignments that I choose not to carry out if I think its beneath me, which always ends in chaos, for which I then excoriate the other party, only to have to turn around and humble myself to a party that uses my new state of vulnerability as a chance to especially make me feel like trash.
My life is a sitcom.
I'm not that dude. Most of my dreams are meaningless. I don't think dreams foreshadow anything or give me a look inside my true self, or none of that. I mean, true, Nebuchadnezzar had a dream that changed history. And MLK had a dream that has yet to be realized, but has motivated generations. But my ish isn;t like that.
For instance, I had a dream the other night where I was back home in DC, driving through Rock Creek Park, blaring Arthur Blythe with my windows down and a then Liger raced out the bushes, jumped through the front-passenger window and started mauling me. I woke up suddenly, like in the movies. I never do that, but I did this time. Did that mean anything? Should I stop playing music too loud? Should I stop watching Napoleon Dynamite scenes every night? Do I miss DC? Probably not, it was probably just a meaningless dream, rather than a composite of disparate thoughts that come together like a puzzle to tell me something essential.
But then there are things like last night that caused me to wake up around 5am and laugh at the irony. It was so me. You know how dreams are like sequences of completely, inane, insane madness right?
Well Twist was at the DMV dealing with a curt, rude, attitudnal employee. We started arguing (classic Twist) over something that dealt with her negligence, but it was all tied back to my ridiculous driving record. Then, mysteriously, she handed me her keys and told me that I had to watch over the DMV while she was gone. Little did I know, the DMV also housed a maximum security prison. The inmate were behind bullet-proof glass going wild since they saw that the woman left and gave her supervision to me. All I had to do to keep the inmates in the prison was turn this steering wheel 360 degrees every 30 seconds. But it was like turning a steering wheel without any "power steering", so after about 3 minutes, I said "Eff It" and let the dudes stream out the prison, into the DMV. They started robbing people, tipping the vending machines and doing random things like sword fighting with the keyboards.
Thats when the DMV worker came back and I let her have it...in a real rational way like I was an upset boss:
"How could you go to lunch and hand over the keys without clearly providing a back-up plan! The steering wheel had no power steering fluid and the timer was ticking at a pace much faster than real time! this was totally uncalled for and a clear demonstration that you lack what it takes to for upper management!!"
Then I stormed up some steps to leave the DMV.
When I got outside, it was raining. And all of sudden, I felt my feel soaking a cool puddle. I looked down and I had left my sneakers downstairs in the DMV. Which meant I had to humble myself, go back downstairs and ask for my Chuck Taylors. Of course, once I got down there, everything was back to normal. So I walked up to homegirl and told her to gimme my kicks.
Her reply? (Mom, forgive the language)
"What? Them Buddys? I threw them sh*ts in the dumpster. You too grown to be wearin them tired thangs."
It was classic and so indicative of how I get down. I end up somewhere like DMV to handle my license or Bell South to handle a bill I just chose not pay. I get there and start jumpin bad with people at the first sign of ineptitude, like a total hypocrite. In other situations, people will give me assignments that I choose not to carry out if I think its beneath me, which always ends in chaos, for which I then excoriate the other party, only to have to turn around and humble myself to a party that uses my new state of vulnerability as a chance to especially make me feel like trash.
My life is a sitcom.
posted by Twistinado @ 3:03 PM
2 comments
Thursday, November 17, 2005
The Commish and The Commissioner
I just finished a seminal day in my very young career as a journalists...
I just got off the phone with Commissioner Stern. Wasn't a long conversation, maybe 10 minutes. But I spoke to the big dude and I told him I might be a thorn in his side one day, so remember this collegial conversation we just had.
I just got off the phone with Commissioner Stern. Wasn't a long conversation, maybe 10 minutes. But I spoke to the big dude and I told him I might be a thorn in his side one day, so remember this collegial conversation we just had.
posted by Twistinado @ 2:53 PM
2 comments
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Seniors! Ooo! Ooo!
You're gonna have to forgive the procrastion...but procrastination is what I do. If procrastination were a man, it'd be me. I embody procrastination, personify it. Which is why it's taken me close to two weeks to bring you one of the most interesting restuarant experiences I've had in a long, long while.
There's a diner in my neighborhood strip-mall. It's called Nellie's. It'd a fine place. Great food. Cheap. Fast service. Good menu. I like it. Especially if I want take-out that's not something wack like Chili's or Outback or some Mexican food cooked by a Puerto Rican.
About two Friday's ago, I was done with my usual end-of-the-week wrap up stuff: getting together a skeleton news budget for the next week, putting in some photo assignments, filing my expenses, hitting the gym. I had about three hours before I was due to head to cover the regular-season finale for one of the local high schools. It was a meaningless game, so I was gonna arrive as close to kickoff as possible.
I had a decision, kop something quick to eat and catch a 4 o'clock matinee, or go home, watch a TiVo'd episode of Everybody Hates Chris and then eat a leisurely dinner. I chose the latter and chose to eat Nellies.
I get to Nellies around 5:30p and it was my first Southern experience with the early-bird special or whatever you call that special where old folks eat for half price or get a free desert or get a new set of dentures or whatever.
I didn't know Nellies was that spot, but apparently it was THAT spot. I mean, I suddenly got arthritis as soon as I stepped in the spot.
In fact, when I walked in the host looked at me funny and kinda smiled like, "Are you sure you have the right place." I should've asked him the same thing since he was a 35-year-old male host of the only old-folks spot more jumpin than Bingo Night at the Timber Pines Adult Community.
Nellies is located right at the corner of US 19 and SR 50, which is about a mile from my hood, which happens to be one of a few public hoods with large senior populations. And they all come Nellies for dinner.
I'm not the kidding type of guy, so please trust when I tell you that I was the Only. The only what? you might ask. Well the only whole-bunch-of-things.
I was the only single person in the spot. The only black person in the spot. The only person to later be seated alone in the spot. The only person under 65 in the spot. The only person that could see someone other than the person seated across from in the spot. And the only person that could hold my pee in, even if I really, really had to piss.
So, when I initially walked up to the host and asked, "Is it alright if I'm here?" I swear I wasn't being an ackjass. I really wanted to know. Because my previous experience with Nellies was breakfast and latenight takeout, I didn't know this scene existed at this spot.
The Curios Host looked at me and said, "You're fine silly" Not in a gay-way, in a "no, you really are a silly individual for askin that sitcom question."
I just wanted to know. naa mean? I mean, maybe these fogeys rented the spot out. I had no idea. Yes, I was discombobulated and not thinking straight, but that question came from a seat of earnestness. I really questioned if I, a young man, was allowed to eat at this restaurant during this time.
The host tried to play me though. They have these huge cafetria style tables in the middle of the dining area that seats, like, six people. All the geezers had taken the booths, so the Host tried to seat me at the cafetria table and have me out on this island for the whole world to see. I mean, these tables were so big that I don't think I could reach the salt in the middle of the table from a seated position.
So, I told him I'd wait for a booth to open up. Meanwhile, I was inspectin da deck. I was hawking these old people tryin to peep their steezes. And I was determined to be a Roman once I got seated.
When I finally got to my seat, the first thing I did was order a cofee, a decaf. That's what I saw them doing. They didn't begin w/ a beer or sweet tea or even a plain ol' water, it was a round of decafs. So I kopped, too.
While looking over the menu, I was gonna go with some real senior, like meatloaf and mashed potatoes, something I could chew with my tongue and the roof of my mouth...maybe mash with my lips a lil bit...but I couldnt do it. Or maybe something real dinner-like, like Nellies famous honey-stung fried chicken, which is the shiznit or, like, pork-chops, green beans and of course, taters. But I didn't have the fortitude. Nellies menu was too good. I went witha chicken salad melt, that I'd been waiting to try.
As I looked around, this was probably my most dichotomous social setting ever. I mean, everything that I am, they were not.
Oh, and the music. Frank Sinatra, Johnny Cash, Nat King Cole, Ray Charles, Bobby Drain...a lil Motown. I was lovin it. But not nearly as much as the periodic influx of 2005 Top 40.
It happened everytime one of the cooks swung the door to the back open, with 98.7 blastin. By far my favorite moment came when homeboy swung the door and the Black Eye Peas were pumpin and WillIAm asks some of the seniors eating their taters, "Whatcha gon' do with all that breast inside that shirt."
Old people are the most hilarious when they've been offended...thing is, they also can't hear of their ears, so this sure-fire classic moment was ruined by our bodies imperfections.
Finally, I was stuffed. The chicken salad melt was crazy-good. My decaf was on old-people-point and any other time, it wouldve been time to bounce. Bit old folks love a good desert. Thats what they live for.
My grandmothers appetite has basically dwindled down to nothing, but at a family dinner, I bet she could throw down some of her famous sweet-potatoe pie and a piece of my Pops' cheesecake and carrot cake.
Everything about seniors revert back to childhood. They cant control their bladders. You have to talk slowly with them and help them with everything. The lose all tact. Their attention spans wane. And they'd rather eat sweet stuff than real food. Only, kids like candy or anything that resembles hard sugar. Old people like sweet baked goods. They might not jump at a jolly-rancher -- imagine some toothless senior trying to gum a sour-apple rancher -- but they'll rock with a baked good. And more than any baked good, they love some pie.
Straight-up. I mean, Twist is a lot of Dudes, but maybe more than any, I'm a Pie Dude. But even I, the Pie Dude, can't get with a 65+.
So, Nellies, smartly (word?) catering to the seniors, packs an ill pie list. Lemon pie, apple pie, chocolate moose pie, cherry pie, blueberry pie, peach pie, cocunut pie...and you know, apple pie.
So I had to kop some pie, because...thats what seniors do. They go to resturants, order malleable dishes that their gums can handle and then order some pie for desert. They don't share a piece either. one slice per senior. thats how they get down.
My server looked at me and greased me, thought I wasn;t gonna kop me no desert -- even though I weighed more by myself than all 100 seniors combined -- so she came through, cleared my plate and slid me my check.
I said, "Oh, no ma'am, wait. I'd like some pie. A slice of apple pie ala mode please."
It came back with two minutes. I was so anxious to see what this pie was gonna be like. I envisioned it would be a thing of my dreams, since i literally dream about eating good meals. And I figured that theres no way this restuarant can survive and pack the clock-ticking souls in this spot, like they do, if they serve mediocre pie. The pie at this place has to be at least a 10 out 10, I reasoned, if not a 12 out of 10.
It was a 15. The apples were tender and sweet, but still firm and little tart and the crust...the crust. See that's where a senior will pull your skirt down. Every good pie-eater, and in turn every senior, knows that the crust is the key. It has to be flaky AND chewy and we actually have to be able to TASTE butter.
I could taste the butter my friends. And it was about as flaky as the senior-mans shoulders that sat behind me.
$9 for a coffee, a chicken salad melt and pie ala mode. Thats with tax-n-tip included. Rachel Ray wouldve been proud.
As I walked out, I nodded at the seniors, even tried to fake cough like I had emphesyma. The cough was a fake ploy for acceptance, but that arthritis was still real.
No looked at me or said a word to me the whole time I was there, not even my server. But I felt like I was part of a new fraternity.
They didnt make eye contact with me, but they saw my coffee, they saw me order that pie at the end of my meal. I even sang along with Nat for a moment. Nat was the smooth tenor, I was the sexy baritone. The seniors liked that melange even if they didnt wanna acknowledge me or it.
As I was exiting, I heard one of the seniors mumble, "I thought he was never gonna leave. And he was just one guy taking up a whole booth."
My first thought was, "You being legally blind, how'd you know?" Then I checked him real quick...he had on those glaucoma shades and he was rocking plaid leisure-pants -- a senior's senior. I wasn't about to try to jump-bad w/ homeboy. I kept it moving. And as soon as I walked outside, my arthritis was gone. The memory remains.
There's a diner in my neighborhood strip-mall. It's called Nellie's. It'd a fine place. Great food. Cheap. Fast service. Good menu. I like it. Especially if I want take-out that's not something wack like Chili's or Outback or some Mexican food cooked by a Puerto Rican.
About two Friday's ago, I was done with my usual end-of-the-week wrap up stuff: getting together a skeleton news budget for the next week, putting in some photo assignments, filing my expenses, hitting the gym. I had about three hours before I was due to head to cover the regular-season finale for one of the local high schools. It was a meaningless game, so I was gonna arrive as close to kickoff as possible.
I had a decision, kop something quick to eat and catch a 4 o'clock matinee, or go home, watch a TiVo'd episode of Everybody Hates Chris and then eat a leisurely dinner. I chose the latter and chose to eat Nellies.
I get to Nellies around 5:30p and it was my first Southern experience with the early-bird special or whatever you call that special where old folks eat for half price or get a free desert or get a new set of dentures or whatever.
I didn't know Nellies was that spot, but apparently it was THAT spot. I mean, I suddenly got arthritis as soon as I stepped in the spot.
In fact, when I walked in the host looked at me funny and kinda smiled like, "Are you sure you have the right place." I should've asked him the same thing since he was a 35-year-old male host of the only old-folks spot more jumpin than Bingo Night at the Timber Pines Adult Community.
Nellies is located right at the corner of US 19 and SR 50, which is about a mile from my hood, which happens to be one of a few public hoods with large senior populations. And they all come Nellies for dinner.
I'm not the kidding type of guy, so please trust when I tell you that I was the Only. The only what? you might ask. Well the only whole-bunch-of-things.
I was the only single person in the spot. The only black person in the spot. The only person to later be seated alone in the spot. The only person under 65 in the spot. The only person that could see someone other than the person seated across from in the spot. And the only person that could hold my pee in, even if I really, really had to piss.
So, when I initially walked up to the host and asked, "Is it alright if I'm here?" I swear I wasn't being an ackjass. I really wanted to know. Because my previous experience with Nellies was breakfast and latenight takeout, I didn't know this scene existed at this spot.
The Curios Host looked at me and said, "You're fine silly" Not in a gay-way, in a "no, you really are a silly individual for askin that sitcom question."
I just wanted to know. naa mean? I mean, maybe these fogeys rented the spot out. I had no idea. Yes, I was discombobulated and not thinking straight, but that question came from a seat of earnestness. I really questioned if I, a young man, was allowed to eat at this restaurant during this time.
The host tried to play me though. They have these huge cafetria style tables in the middle of the dining area that seats, like, six people. All the geezers had taken the booths, so the Host tried to seat me at the cafetria table and have me out on this island for the whole world to see. I mean, these tables were so big that I don't think I could reach the salt in the middle of the table from a seated position.
So, I told him I'd wait for a booth to open up. Meanwhile, I was inspectin da deck. I was hawking these old people tryin to peep their steezes. And I was determined to be a Roman once I got seated.
When I finally got to my seat, the first thing I did was order a cofee, a decaf. That's what I saw them doing. They didn't begin w/ a beer or sweet tea or even a plain ol' water, it was a round of decafs. So I kopped, too.
While looking over the menu, I was gonna go with some real senior, like meatloaf and mashed potatoes, something I could chew with my tongue and the roof of my mouth...maybe mash with my lips a lil bit...but I couldnt do it. Or maybe something real dinner-like, like Nellies famous honey-stung fried chicken, which is the shiznit or, like, pork-chops, green beans and of course, taters. But I didn't have the fortitude. Nellies menu was too good. I went witha chicken salad melt, that I'd been waiting to try.
As I looked around, this was probably my most dichotomous social setting ever. I mean, everything that I am, they were not.
Oh, and the music. Frank Sinatra, Johnny Cash, Nat King Cole, Ray Charles, Bobby Drain...a lil Motown. I was lovin it. But not nearly as much as the periodic influx of 2005 Top 40.
It happened everytime one of the cooks swung the door to the back open, with 98.7 blastin. By far my favorite moment came when homeboy swung the door and the Black Eye Peas were pumpin and WillIAm asks some of the seniors eating their taters, "Whatcha gon' do with all that breast inside that shirt."
Old people are the most hilarious when they've been offended...thing is, they also can't hear of their ears, so this sure-fire classic moment was ruined by our bodies imperfections.
Finally, I was stuffed. The chicken salad melt was crazy-good. My decaf was on old-people-point and any other time, it wouldve been time to bounce. Bit old folks love a good desert. Thats what they live for.
My grandmothers appetite has basically dwindled down to nothing, but at a family dinner, I bet she could throw down some of her famous sweet-potatoe pie and a piece of my Pops' cheesecake and carrot cake.
Everything about seniors revert back to childhood. They cant control their bladders. You have to talk slowly with them and help them with everything. The lose all tact. Their attention spans wane. And they'd rather eat sweet stuff than real food. Only, kids like candy or anything that resembles hard sugar. Old people like sweet baked goods. They might not jump at a jolly-rancher -- imagine some toothless senior trying to gum a sour-apple rancher -- but they'll rock with a baked good. And more than any baked good, they love some pie.
Straight-up. I mean, Twist is a lot of Dudes, but maybe more than any, I'm a Pie Dude. But even I, the Pie Dude, can't get with a 65+.
So, Nellies, smartly (word?) catering to the seniors, packs an ill pie list. Lemon pie, apple pie, chocolate moose pie, cherry pie, blueberry pie, peach pie, cocunut pie...and you know, apple pie.
So I had to kop some pie, because...thats what seniors do. They go to resturants, order malleable dishes that their gums can handle and then order some pie for desert. They don't share a piece either. one slice per senior. thats how they get down.
My server looked at me and greased me, thought I wasn;t gonna kop me no desert -- even though I weighed more by myself than all 100 seniors combined -- so she came through, cleared my plate and slid me my check.
I said, "Oh, no ma'am, wait. I'd like some pie. A slice of apple pie ala mode please."
It came back with two minutes. I was so anxious to see what this pie was gonna be like. I envisioned it would be a thing of my dreams, since i literally dream about eating good meals. And I figured that theres no way this restuarant can survive and pack the clock-ticking souls in this spot, like they do, if they serve mediocre pie. The pie at this place has to be at least a 10 out 10, I reasoned, if not a 12 out of 10.
It was a 15. The apples were tender and sweet, but still firm and little tart and the crust...the crust. See that's where a senior will pull your skirt down. Every good pie-eater, and in turn every senior, knows that the crust is the key. It has to be flaky AND chewy and we actually have to be able to TASTE butter.
I could taste the butter my friends. And it was about as flaky as the senior-mans shoulders that sat behind me.
$9 for a coffee, a chicken salad melt and pie ala mode. Thats with tax-n-tip included. Rachel Ray wouldve been proud.
As I walked out, I nodded at the seniors, even tried to fake cough like I had emphesyma. The cough was a fake ploy for acceptance, but that arthritis was still real.
No looked at me or said a word to me the whole time I was there, not even my server. But I felt like I was part of a new fraternity.
They didnt make eye contact with me, but they saw my coffee, they saw me order that pie at the end of my meal. I even sang along with Nat for a moment. Nat was the smooth tenor, I was the sexy baritone. The seniors liked that melange even if they didnt wanna acknowledge me or it.
As I was exiting, I heard one of the seniors mumble, "I thought he was never gonna leave. And he was just one guy taking up a whole booth."
My first thought was, "You being legally blind, how'd you know?" Then I checked him real quick...he had on those glaucoma shades and he was rocking plaid leisure-pants -- a senior's senior. I wasn't about to try to jump-bad w/ homeboy. I kept it moving. And as soon as I walked outside, my arthritis was gone. The memory remains.
posted by Twistinado @ 1:22 AM
2 comments
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Last Friday I was pulling a Kramer. Remember when that dude was driving around in a new car he was test driving and trying to run the last drip of gas out of it? At the end of the show they came to the car lot and kept driving?
I was doing that Friday, matter fact, I was going to fill up Wednesday night but decided against. I wanted to see if the gas prices were gonna keep droppin. They seem to do that everyday now. So I didn't wanna fill up and then wake up the next morning, drive by a gas station and see the price dropped 5 cents. Plus, I wanted to see if I could fill up my tank for less than $40.
This was very important to me. I purposely didn't do the math in my head -- 17 gallon tank, multiply that by 2.xx/gall = ?...actually, I'm a writer and a black man, maybe I couldn't do the math -- I wanted to be surprised though.
So Friday, Jada (my whip) was doing that herk-jerk thing shje does when she's runnin out of gas. Coincidentally and fortunately, it was right near a Race Trac, the cheapest gas spot in my area. So,I pulled into a station with $2.37 gas and filled up.
It came to like $38.36 or somethin.
Yo, know lie...I hit em with a Tiger Woods fist-pump and then did a couple steps from the Cha-Cha-slide. I was feeling both triumphant and hopeful.
Just a couple weeks ago, I was droppin close to $55 on a fill-up. On the real, I started thinking about world-peace and no more starvation for some reason. If gas was really back below $2.50, i thought, then we were on the verge of worldwide diplomacy.
It was lunacy, for real. I had gone mad.
And what's really gnawing at me now is that I've recognized that I've been had. One of my co-workers told me so.
Me and couple my fellow scribes took a lil 20 minute trip to San Antonio, Fla. It's this small lil cartoon town not to far from where I rep. They have a downtown. It's one street that spans about two blocks. It features a police station, City Hall which is housed in a one-story building, a house turned into a dentist office, a house turned into an accountants office and a house turned into a doctors office...and Pancho Villa's, a Mexican restuarant.
We pulled up to the spot and some white dudes with cowboy hats were drinkin Negro Modelo outside. One smiled and his teeth looked like peanut-brittle. We got inside and I noticed they didn't even have the decency to boat in some square-head Mexican to cook a flauta or somethin.
With all that needlessly said, we sit down and start yappin and I tell everyone about my triumphant $38 fill-up. I'm goin on and on about how great that is and how things are looking up for our wallets and then one of was like,
"Vince, what are you talkin about? $%&* that! Gas was below $2 just about two months ago!"
And I sat and thought to myself, "These oil tycoons straight ran game on Da Dude."
Can anyone even remember when gas was below $2? Most of the people at my table couldnt. I know I, for one, thought those days were like at least a year ago.
These oil niggas know that.
And its like most things in life, sooner or later you get used to absolutely insane things. No matter how inappropriate, unwarranted, evil, illegal...our brains and the way we process certain things just become desenitized. How long does it take? A month? Two months? One viewing?
In my religion, we're always told to watch our entertainment, ya know. You watch a couple Rambo movies or a couple Tarrantino flicks and the next thing you know, you see someone beatin a man senseless with a bat on your next door neighbors porch and about all you can muster is a "Hey man, beat the back of his head in, not his face in."
Listen to enough hiphop and the slightest annoyance from a woman and you're calling her a bitch under your breath. Either that or imagining some dehumanizing sexual position you could demean her in.
Speakin of hiphop, the caliber music I listen to now is woeful. Back in the day, when dope album after dope album used to drop every Tuesday, I would've never sat through a whole Nelly song or called Lil Wayne wanna the illest emcees out. But the hop has been so trash lately, that the SoSo Def posse-cut gets the volume turned up in my car now.
Me and my Vino just kicked it about jazz the other week and I said how this year has all of sudden turned into an OK year since the new re-recording of Trane at the Half Note dropped and the new Wallace Roney and Sean Jones dropped. But that's three albums. Up until last year that'd have been disgraceful. In 2003 I kopped a new album every month. And lets not even get on the 60s and 70s.
I left Buffalo and now all of sudden, I don't mind eating Dominoes or Papa Johns. NO ONE in Buff would be caught dead eating that trash pizza. Pizza lovers in Buff have the luxury of livin in a city with a large Italian population, so we get authentic pizza. But after six years, I almost forgot what it tastes like. So now, cooked dough, spaghetti sauce and mozzerrella is good. So many spots use fake cheese, that if I go somewhere and taste some real mozzerella, I'm jumpn for joy, even though the dough tastes like toasted Wonder Bread and its the consistency of a wool sweater. Think about how pizzerias mustve thought about pizza hut when it first opened. it was probably sacreligious, but a nigga like me will kop because there's no alternative and it just turns into status-quo.
The things we deal with on an international scene is typical of this thinking too. That's why that situation is France is so powerful. It's some people that said screw the status quo and theyre not just going to meekly accomodate what the powers that be sets as the agenda.
So when I fill-up tomorrow, sure it'll be exciting to see if I can do so for below $35, but I'm scowling while I pump, just out of pricipal. The wool is no longer over my bug-eyes. Until this gas drops back to the $.86/gall it used to be at the Delta Sonic during my junior year, I'm not havin it.
I was doing that Friday, matter fact, I was going to fill up Wednesday night but decided against. I wanted to see if the gas prices were gonna keep droppin. They seem to do that everyday now. So I didn't wanna fill up and then wake up the next morning, drive by a gas station and see the price dropped 5 cents. Plus, I wanted to see if I could fill up my tank for less than $40.
This was very important to me. I purposely didn't do the math in my head -- 17 gallon tank, multiply that by 2.xx/gall = ?...actually, I'm a writer and a black man, maybe I couldn't do the math -- I wanted to be surprised though.
So Friday, Jada (my whip) was doing that herk-jerk thing shje does when she's runnin out of gas. Coincidentally and fortunately, it was right near a Race Trac, the cheapest gas spot in my area. So,I pulled into a station with $2.37 gas and filled up.
It came to like $38.36 or somethin.
Yo, know lie...I hit em with a Tiger Woods fist-pump and then did a couple steps from the Cha-Cha-slide. I was feeling both triumphant and hopeful.
Just a couple weeks ago, I was droppin close to $55 on a fill-up. On the real, I started thinking about world-peace and no more starvation for some reason. If gas was really back below $2.50, i thought, then we were on the verge of worldwide diplomacy.
It was lunacy, for real. I had gone mad.
And what's really gnawing at me now is that I've recognized that I've been had. One of my co-workers told me so.
Me and couple my fellow scribes took a lil 20 minute trip to San Antonio, Fla. It's this small lil cartoon town not to far from where I rep. They have a downtown. It's one street that spans about two blocks. It features a police station, City Hall which is housed in a one-story building, a house turned into a dentist office, a house turned into an accountants office and a house turned into a doctors office...and Pancho Villa's, a Mexican restuarant.
We pulled up to the spot and some white dudes with cowboy hats were drinkin Negro Modelo outside. One smiled and his teeth looked like peanut-brittle. We got inside and I noticed they didn't even have the decency to boat in some square-head Mexican to cook a flauta or somethin.
With all that needlessly said, we sit down and start yappin and I tell everyone about my triumphant $38 fill-up. I'm goin on and on about how great that is and how things are looking up for our wallets and then one of was like,
"Vince, what are you talkin about? $%&* that! Gas was below $2 just about two months ago!"
And I sat and thought to myself, "These oil tycoons straight ran game on Da Dude."
Can anyone even remember when gas was below $2? Most of the people at my table couldnt. I know I, for one, thought those days were like at least a year ago.
These oil niggas know that.
And its like most things in life, sooner or later you get used to absolutely insane things. No matter how inappropriate, unwarranted, evil, illegal...our brains and the way we process certain things just become desenitized. How long does it take? A month? Two months? One viewing?
In my religion, we're always told to watch our entertainment, ya know. You watch a couple Rambo movies or a couple Tarrantino flicks and the next thing you know, you see someone beatin a man senseless with a bat on your next door neighbors porch and about all you can muster is a "Hey man, beat the back of his head in, not his face in."
Listen to enough hiphop and the slightest annoyance from a woman and you're calling her a bitch under your breath. Either that or imagining some dehumanizing sexual position you could demean her in.
Speakin of hiphop, the caliber music I listen to now is woeful. Back in the day, when dope album after dope album used to drop every Tuesday, I would've never sat through a whole Nelly song or called Lil Wayne wanna the illest emcees out. But the hop has been so trash lately, that the SoSo Def posse-cut gets the volume turned up in my car now.
Me and my Vino just kicked it about jazz the other week and I said how this year has all of sudden turned into an OK year since the new re-recording of Trane at the Half Note dropped and the new Wallace Roney and Sean Jones dropped. But that's three albums. Up until last year that'd have been disgraceful. In 2003 I kopped a new album every month. And lets not even get on the 60s and 70s.
I left Buffalo and now all of sudden, I don't mind eating Dominoes or Papa Johns. NO ONE in Buff would be caught dead eating that trash pizza. Pizza lovers in Buff have the luxury of livin in a city with a large Italian population, so we get authentic pizza. But after six years, I almost forgot what it tastes like. So now, cooked dough, spaghetti sauce and mozzerrella is good. So many spots use fake cheese, that if I go somewhere and taste some real mozzerella, I'm jumpn for joy, even though the dough tastes like toasted Wonder Bread and its the consistency of a wool sweater. Think about how pizzerias mustve thought about pizza hut when it first opened. it was probably sacreligious, but a nigga like me will kop because there's no alternative and it just turns into status-quo.
The things we deal with on an international scene is typical of this thinking too. That's why that situation is France is so powerful. It's some people that said screw the status quo and theyre not just going to meekly accomodate what the powers that be sets as the agenda.
So when I fill-up tomorrow, sure it'll be exciting to see if I can do so for below $35, but I'm scowling while I pump, just out of pricipal. The wool is no longer over my bug-eyes. Until this gas drops back to the $.86/gall it used to be at the Delta Sonic during my junior year, I'm not havin it.
posted by Twistinado @ 10:57 AM
2 comments
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Terrell Owens
On the real, I couldn't care less about Terrell Owens. I'm tired of the media's fixation and fascination with him and tired of him as well. To me, there's but a few salient points in this cornball saga. I haven't even given them much thought since I don't really care about the plight of Owens or the Eagles, but you know I got an opinion.
-- This all began back in the offseason. Let's be honest, Owens' contract is bogus. Dude is the biggest star in the NFL and one of the three or four best receivers and wanted commensurate pay. People need to quit all that honor your contract garbage because NFL owners routinely disgard unwanted contracts. Don't try to act like it's biblical covenant as soon as a player wants some extra bucks.
True, owners can rip whatever contract they want and have legal right to do so, unlike the players, but people always try to make this some moral issue. Theyre always trying to challenge these players with right-n-wrong tactics. As if they are not noble for refusing to play for a contract they feel is unjust.
Unions strike, players refuse to come to training camp. Let's jump off the high-horse.
Owens had every right to demand a new contract. yeah it was his fault that he had some schmoe representing him last summer, but so what? If Philly would've been smart about things, they'd have paid him. Not astronomical money, just market value. They didn't have to bend over and get it in the goods, but a lil capitulation would have went a long way.
-- But Philly took the hard stance. commendable in many ways, but not necessarily smart. they basically turned a natural malcontent and brat into an angry malcontent and brat. Two very different psyches.
My lil sis P is a brat. Has been her whole life. She's 24 now, but still has her bratty ways. She pouts. She's moody. She's curt. She's easily exasperated. All that. But she manages to be pleasant, very pleasant, as long as that side of her isn't galavanized by someone else's actions. For instance, when she visits me...we have a blast. We eat at all the great restaurants, go to all the hip spots, see all the good movies, and she's always been, perhaps, my No. 1 audience for my tom-foolery -- ever since we were lil kids and I used to fake-fall for her. But one little thing and her mood changes and she can almost be insufferable. Something as simple as...let's say...asking her not to take 45 minutes in the bathroom, getting ready...FOR FRIKKIN BED, not to go out, to go to sleep. What happens is you end up, almost subconsciously, behaving in ways to keep that sleeping giant of an attitude dormant and hibernating.
Now, P is no Owens. But the situation is similar. What was Philly thinking by not at least proactively seeking to keep the relationship on good terms. Rosenhaus was most definitely an added nuisance, but it sports, you gotta deal with agents.
Philly was so hell-bent on maintaining this, "We don't renegotiate contracts" stance that it ruined its own season. Plenty of organizations renegotiate contracts. In fact, its just what u do with star players. Its even done with coaches. So Philly's silly, blind, big-balls display of machismo was corny when it began and even cornier now that they're staring at a lost season.
If I were a fan, I'd be equally mad at each side. Mad at Owens for forcing the Eagles hand and then pouting, but also -- and maybe more importantly -- angry with the organization for wasting this small window of opportunity. For some reason, teams always seem to operate on this ridiculous notion that they'll be contenders for blocks of years, when that period is so obviously fleeting. The Eagles are done now. McNabb's banged up. Owens is gone. And there D isnt what it once was. Once again, a little humility on the orgs part and it couldve been taken care of.
I'm not asking for them to lay down and let Owens walk all over them, but I truly believe that Owens initial request was entirely practical, feasible and warranted. The Eagles were too busy holding steadfast to the "letter of the law" like the Pharisees back in the first century.
-- which brings us to the suspension.
Good move.
What more can you do? Owens was acting like a fool and the Eagles handle business. I'm never a supporter of straight up terrible behavior. If dude is getting into fist-o-cuffs and bad-mouthing the organization, then cut him loose. Do ya thang. I'm all for it.
Gee said that Owens has a bunch of Yes Men. But I think that homeboy doesnt have nay friends at all. He's a loner. It started when he was younger and has continued to today. So all his acting out is just a manifestation of a young man, who has no campanions, isnt loved and he's probably not only craving attention, but a lil angry w/ a world.
I'm done discussing dude now.
...actually, one more thing: I couldve sworn he was they type of dude to live the good life. He had all the ingredients: grew up, probably thinking he was ugly. grew up in the deep south where the would probably face castration for smiling at a white women. And he basically seems too corny to like a black woman. He was tailor made to go scoop him a blonde and throw on them rose color shades.
But he went out and kopped him a baaaaaaaaaad chick. check her out. click the link and scroll down.
-- This all began back in the offseason. Let's be honest, Owens' contract is bogus. Dude is the biggest star in the NFL and one of the three or four best receivers and wanted commensurate pay. People need to quit all that honor your contract garbage because NFL owners routinely disgard unwanted contracts. Don't try to act like it's biblical covenant as soon as a player wants some extra bucks.
True, owners can rip whatever contract they want and have legal right to do so, unlike the players, but people always try to make this some moral issue. Theyre always trying to challenge these players with right-n-wrong tactics. As if they are not noble for refusing to play for a contract they feel is unjust.
Unions strike, players refuse to come to training camp. Let's jump off the high-horse.
Owens had every right to demand a new contract. yeah it was his fault that he had some schmoe representing him last summer, but so what? If Philly would've been smart about things, they'd have paid him. Not astronomical money, just market value. They didn't have to bend over and get it in the goods, but a lil capitulation would have went a long way.
-- But Philly took the hard stance. commendable in many ways, but not necessarily smart. they basically turned a natural malcontent and brat into an angry malcontent and brat. Two very different psyches.
My lil sis P is a brat. Has been her whole life. She's 24 now, but still has her bratty ways. She pouts. She's moody. She's curt. She's easily exasperated. All that. But she manages to be pleasant, very pleasant, as long as that side of her isn't galavanized by someone else's actions. For instance, when she visits me...we have a blast. We eat at all the great restaurants, go to all the hip spots, see all the good movies, and she's always been, perhaps, my No. 1 audience for my tom-foolery -- ever since we were lil kids and I used to fake-fall for her. But one little thing and her mood changes and she can almost be insufferable. Something as simple as...let's say...asking her not to take 45 minutes in the bathroom, getting ready...FOR FRIKKIN BED, not to go out, to go to sleep. What happens is you end up, almost subconsciously, behaving in ways to keep that sleeping giant of an attitude dormant and hibernating.
Now, P is no Owens. But the situation is similar. What was Philly thinking by not at least proactively seeking to keep the relationship on good terms. Rosenhaus was most definitely an added nuisance, but it sports, you gotta deal with agents.
Philly was so hell-bent on maintaining this, "We don't renegotiate contracts" stance that it ruined its own season. Plenty of organizations renegotiate contracts. In fact, its just what u do with star players. Its even done with coaches. So Philly's silly, blind, big-balls display of machismo was corny when it began and even cornier now that they're staring at a lost season.
If I were a fan, I'd be equally mad at each side. Mad at Owens for forcing the Eagles hand and then pouting, but also -- and maybe more importantly -- angry with the organization for wasting this small window of opportunity. For some reason, teams always seem to operate on this ridiculous notion that they'll be contenders for blocks of years, when that period is so obviously fleeting. The Eagles are done now. McNabb's banged up. Owens is gone. And there D isnt what it once was. Once again, a little humility on the orgs part and it couldve been taken care of.
I'm not asking for them to lay down and let Owens walk all over them, but I truly believe that Owens initial request was entirely practical, feasible and warranted. The Eagles were too busy holding steadfast to the "letter of the law" like the Pharisees back in the first century.
-- which brings us to the suspension.
Good move.
What more can you do? Owens was acting like a fool and the Eagles handle business. I'm never a supporter of straight up terrible behavior. If dude is getting into fist-o-cuffs and bad-mouthing the organization, then cut him loose. Do ya thang. I'm all for it.
Gee said that Owens has a bunch of Yes Men. But I think that homeboy doesnt have nay friends at all. He's a loner. It started when he was younger and has continued to today. So all his acting out is just a manifestation of a young man, who has no campanions, isnt loved and he's probably not only craving attention, but a lil angry w/ a world.
I'm done discussing dude now.
...actually, one more thing: I couldve sworn he was they type of dude to live the good life. He had all the ingredients: grew up, probably thinking he was ugly. grew up in the deep south where the would probably face castration for smiling at a white women. And he basically seems too corny to like a black woman. He was tailor made to go scoop him a blonde and throw on them rose color shades.
But he went out and kopped him a baaaaaaaaaad chick. check her out. click the link and scroll down.
posted by Twistinado @ 6:24 PM
1 comments
Thursday, November 03, 2005
double standard
NEW ORLEANS -- An NFL spokesman said Monday that the league would not likely take action against New Orleans Saints owner Tom Benson, who a day earlier lunged at a television news crew, grabbing a camera and wrenching it downward.
"It appears to be nothing more than a brief, heated exchange with a member of the media that was caught on camera," NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said. "It's not the first time in the world of sports and entertainment that something like this has occurred. It was a tough day for the Saints and their fans."
btw: finishing up preview now
"It appears to be nothing more than a brief, heated exchange with a member of the media that was caught on camera," NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said. "It's not the first time in the world of sports and entertainment that something like this has occurred. It was a tough day for the Saints and their fans."
btw: finishing up preview now
posted by Twistinado @ 4:33 PM
2 comments
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
NBA note
A few things about the season preview: Like most mags, I'm ranking the teams by playoff seeds, which means the Atlantic Division winner will be a three seed regardles of how well Indy, Detroit or Cleveland do in the Central.
I kinda hate season previews because you look stupid in May. Last year I did the NBA preview for the Washington Post. I said there was no way in hades that KG and C. would finish with less than 55 wins and I said that Seattle would be a cellar-dweller, although I id have the prescience to note that All-Star years from Lewis and Shuttleworth could make things interesting.
The point is, you just dont know, naa mean? The predictions you'll read don't take into consideration: injuries, midseason trades and things like that. Its merely looking at the current squads and opining. I do that well.
-- As always, everything you read in the previews is like Biblical Record. Any other nerds you see yakkin about my league are to be dismissed and mocked.
-- The illest one-two combo in the world right now is not pizza and wings, henny and coke, Shaq and wade or Depp and Burton -- its TiVo and the DirecTV NBA package.
I can't even begin to explain how this gonna change my life -- probably for the worse. For instance, when I was a wee lil lad I used to tape bunches of games. Fab Five had its own tape. UNLV had its own tape. Gtown had its own tape. Kenny Anderson had his own tape. Magic had about 10 tapes. Thurman and the Bills had a box of tapes. Barry Sanders and Randall Cunningham had their own tapes. Iwas on the phone with Pops the other day and he said he was doing some cleaning and ran across my tapes and it was like the Library of Congress for games.
Well, after a while, programming VCRs got old and tired. The last stuff I tapes was the SportsCentury marathon.
What that did, though, is cause me to miss stuff all the time. I have religious meeting twice a week and theyre at night. That means I was always missing games. Other times, I'd fall asleep on Laker games. So, of course, I missed that crazy 4th quarter where LA came back from like 35 down to beat the Mavs. My nigg Tony called it one of the greatest games ever, I was drooling on my pillow, either dreaming about J-Lo's goods or Paparazzi's potato pasta while that was goin down.
But you shouldve seen me yesterday. I already have every Laker, Wizard and Iverson game programmed for the next month. Which means I dont have to worry about viewing them. If I got ish to do, then I'll handle my ish. Come home at whatever time and play the game on my TiVo. And I get to fast forward anytime that Brian Cook or Jared Jeffries are on the floor. I'll be able to watch entire games in like 30-40 minutes.
PLUS, when TNT is showing Knicks vs Spurs, I dont have to watch that garbage. I can flip to Nets v Cavs. that solves those times you look at the sked and wonder, "Why is this game not being televised."
I sat in my chair with an un-homo boner all night yesterday. One thing, though: I'm not that dope with the remote yet. I missed Redd's end-of-reg three pointer, because i was watching Nuggs v Spurs. I gotta condition myself, now. Its a foreign concept to have access to every game being played that night.
PREVIEWS BELOW...
I kinda hate season previews because you look stupid in May. Last year I did the NBA preview for the Washington Post. I said there was no way in hades that KG and C. would finish with less than 55 wins and I said that Seattle would be a cellar-dweller, although I id have the prescience to note that All-Star years from Lewis and Shuttleworth could make things interesting.
The point is, you just dont know, naa mean? The predictions you'll read don't take into consideration: injuries, midseason trades and things like that. Its merely looking at the current squads and opining. I do that well.
-- As always, everything you read in the previews is like Biblical Record. Any other nerds you see yakkin about my league are to be dismissed and mocked.
-- The illest one-two combo in the world right now is not pizza and wings, henny and coke, Shaq and wade or Depp and Burton -- its TiVo and the DirecTV NBA package.
I can't even begin to explain how this gonna change my life -- probably for the worse. For instance, when I was a wee lil lad I used to tape bunches of games. Fab Five had its own tape. UNLV had its own tape. Gtown had its own tape. Kenny Anderson had his own tape. Magic had about 10 tapes. Thurman and the Bills had a box of tapes. Barry Sanders and Randall Cunningham had their own tapes. Iwas on the phone with Pops the other day and he said he was doing some cleaning and ran across my tapes and it was like the Library of Congress for games.
Well, after a while, programming VCRs got old and tired. The last stuff I tapes was the SportsCentury marathon.
What that did, though, is cause me to miss stuff all the time. I have religious meeting twice a week and theyre at night. That means I was always missing games. Other times, I'd fall asleep on Laker games. So, of course, I missed that crazy 4th quarter where LA came back from like 35 down to beat the Mavs. My nigg Tony called it one of the greatest games ever, I was drooling on my pillow, either dreaming about J-Lo's goods or Paparazzi's potato pasta while that was goin down.
But you shouldve seen me yesterday. I already have every Laker, Wizard and Iverson game programmed for the next month. Which means I dont have to worry about viewing them. If I got ish to do, then I'll handle my ish. Come home at whatever time and play the game on my TiVo. And I get to fast forward anytime that Brian Cook or Jared Jeffries are on the floor. I'll be able to watch entire games in like 30-40 minutes.
PLUS, when TNT is showing Knicks vs Spurs, I dont have to watch that garbage. I can flip to Nets v Cavs. that solves those times you look at the sked and wonder, "Why is this game not being televised."
I sat in my chair with an un-homo boner all night yesterday. One thing, though: I'm not that dope with the remote yet. I missed Redd's end-of-reg three pointer, because i was watching Nuggs v Spurs. I gotta condition myself, now. Its a foreign concept to have access to every game being played that night.
PREVIEWS BELOW...
posted by Twistinado @ 1:40 PM
1 comments
Eastern Conference Preview
Remember, top 8 are based on playoff seedings, not exactly best to worse.
1. Miami Heat: I was at TD Waterhouse working on a Magic story and the Heat had just finished their shootaround and the procession of players left the court, walked through the black curtains and headed to the lockerroom. Check who I saw: GP with his arm around Wade. James Posey. Antoine Walker nudging Udonis Haslem outta the way. Jason Williams. Zo and then Shaq.
That's a crazy eight. You hear a lot of talk about will they mesh...I don't know. But it hit me right then, this squad is nuts. I was sittin in a chair looking up at baller after baller waltz by and it hit me in a weird way how loaded they are.
and Shaq looks downright criminal. Yo, every day I curse his life for bein a fat slob those lastb couple years for my squad, but u gotta give dude props for how he looks this season. Cant even really describe what it feels like to stand to dude and realize that there may not be an ounce of fat on his 7-1, 330-pound fame.
With that said -- he's not Shaq anymore. Said that last year and he really didnt prove me wrong. This year itll be even more of a remarkable decline. I dont care how dielsel he is.
And, even though theyre loaded. I'm not really feelin that lineup. Williams doesnt scare me, neither does Walker, Posey, Zo or anyone else. Shaq barely scares. Only Wade, the smartest player in the league, really scares me. I say that because, I think they'll finish with the East's best record because theyre one of the top 3 teams and they play in the worse division and Indy and Det have to play each other and the Cavs four times.
But I'm not feelin this championship talk.
2. Indiana Pacers: I really love this squad. Starting five is basically hole-less, even if u dont get down with Mally. O'Neal, Artest, Jacosn, Tinsely and Foster is a well balnced, talented, inside-outside, defensive minded starting 5. Then u add Freddy Jones, Granger, a healthy Bender, that euro kat and some big white stiffs: Croshere and Pollard -- that's a squad. What dont they do well? They're athletic and strong. And these dudes also have that anxiety aspect too. Last year couldve been their hyear, so theyre chompin at the bit to show-n-prove.
I'm expectin the usual 20-10 from ONeal. 20-7-3-3 from Artest, plus lock down D. And dont sleep on Granger like I did predraft.
I'm pickin them to win it all. thats on some real ish. so chew on it.
3. NJ Nets: Man they were one Shareef-trade away from bein really dangerous. But they have the best threesome in the world. Only me, Eva Mendes and Beyonce gettin physical could top Vince-J-Jeff on the court. I'm not quite sold on Philly, yet, for reasons I'll explain and Boston is so young with Uncle Pauly possibly on his way out. I gotta think that Kidd-Carter-Jeff could take the Atlantic 3-on-5.
But they made nice pickups too. McInnis and Cliff Robinson are the type of vets (with nigga streaks) that can solidify that squad. I could see them snatchin a series away from one of the top 3 teams in May.
4. Cleveland Cavs: Yeah I said it. Theyre finishing higher than Detroit, though that doesnt neccesarily mean theyre better.
My lil brother Bron is doing 26-8-8 this year. My former fam on the Wizards side, Hughes, is gonna duplicate what he did in DC last year. Donyell Marshall was a bangin pickup. And please recognize how dope it was for Ferry to kop Damon Jones from Miami. Jones is gonna get kickouts left and right and drain them. And he's gonna wipe Bron after he shards and dab his lil pee-pee after Bron urinates. He'll be the same with Bron as he was with Shaq. I think its hilarious. But I wonder if other players look at the Jones sluts himself for the superstars approvals and start hatin on couz. I would. Because, although his antics are comical -- like accomopanying Shaq to buy xmas toys and hoppin around like some monkey in a Disney movie -- theyre a bit shameful for a grown man.
This Mike Brown dude...I'm sold on hi coaching my lil brother into the playoffs. his coaching pedigree aint even that ill. I'm aboslutely not willing to playoff basketball withoput Lebron. If it happens again this year, I'll be on some ol' assasination moves. The whole league is invested in this kid. we cant leave the reigns to a squad like this in the hnads of a rookie coach.
It feels bad to not be fully supporting one of my brothers, but this Bron situation too important.
5. Detroit Pistons: Last year Detroit coasted. This year, not only will they coast, they'll miss Brown. I've been a Flip Saunders supporter for some time now. I always though my boys were way too hard on the dude. We'll see what he's wrth this season.
I say that because, Detroit was always a squad that was solid, but I think Brown meant more to them than any other coach. By the end of the season, Big Ben seemed like he was disinterested. I can only imagine how he'll get down w/ Flip. And Sheed is another story. I've never subscribed to the "Sheed is a cancer" stories, but I think his respect for Brown went along way. Even Chaunc...is he really gonna accord Flip enough respect when Flip tries to tell him to cool out on his shot selection. Chaunc might, at least, have a slight tendency to look at him and say "We been to finals two years in a row and we won one of em. So take your lil bird-lips and blue-gray Men's Warehouse suit and kick rocks dude."
Plus, there's this franchise wide mandate to get Darko some time. Could be disastrous. I saw some of his moves and he looks like he has the requisite skill to be a player. I saw him make a couple nice moves around the basket. But i think he's a perfect D-League candidate...only they cant send him down there anymore since he's been in the league for more than 2 years. I don't think the vets on that squad have enough pateince for him yet.
I could see Dteroit not even winning 50 games...seriously.
6 - 8..It gets real dicey here. Philly, Boston, NYK, Wash, Orlando and even Milwaukee could grab these spots.
Philly: I watched them yesterday and even though they lost, i was diggin that squad. They're young and athletic with two of the greatest players of the Platinum Age anchorin the squad.
Props to my nigga Chuck on callin Dre Iguodala. I was so hard on that young boy. But he's a figgin murderer on the court. he's mean and i like it. he's big and strong too. He'always on the boards and, maybe in a year or two, might be as good defensively as Artest. MATTA FACT, thats it, Dre is like a more sane Artest. Philly caught a gem with him.
I also saw Salmons getting more time that Korver, which I don't mind, because it'd be a lineup of like AI, Dre, Salmons, Webb and Dalembert (when he gets back from that quad injury). Thats danger right there. Especially if Mo does a good job coaching.
Webb had over 30 and looked better than last year, when he had absolutely no mobitlity..but he's not the old Webb. There was a moment last night where I started thinkin about Webbs career and my stomach dropped because he's such a shell of himself. He can still drop 30 and still, probably, the best passer in the Post...but i miss that explosiveness. Him and LJ. They almsot make me teary.
Byt: Did anyone see that outfit AI rocked to the game. Was he rockin timbs with his dressy-get up. He really needs to grow. Stay tuned for a cornrows-novel-blog.
WASH: Allow me to talk my brothers in DC for moment.
After last night's game, what do yall think? I see everybody going on and on about how the Wiz improved so much. and, although I tend to agree, I think people are missing the point. Here's the thing...the Huges move was gangsta. Grunfield didn't give Hughes the big dough and then, managed to spin Kwame into Caron and Atkins and then sign Daniels for cheap. So our perimiter is lookin def. Griity, got some defenders, more bodies, vets, couple shooters. We even got Jarvis back, which we can't lightly. I love his game. he wastes little motion, his stroke is dumb-sweet, he's even kinda smart. I mean, look at our perimiter: Gil, Jarv, Daniels, Atkins, Caron, Twain. Who's goin 6-deep like that? no one.
But we have to get better right? everyone else did. but goin 6-deep on the perimiter didnt actually make us better. u can have Twain as a soft, unathletic 4 if your center is Shaq or Ben Wallace. You can have an uncoordinated, no-game dork like Brendan be yoru center if Amare is your power forward. But they cant both start...ESPECIALLY if ur only comin off the bench with Etan and Ruffin.
I'm just not sold on us right now. I see us in the playoffs, but i think Grunfield needs to make a move with some of our perimiter guys and get us a big body. nothing special...just somebody tough. i'll take Tony Battie.
And did u see Caron on that break? Why isn't he starting? I have no patience for Jared Jeffries...what's he good for?
Boston: I kinda like this squad a lot. But theyre still really young. Dont discount the impact GP had on the squad last year and then the jolt Toine gave them. subtract those two and i don't know if their gettin at 45 wins this year. When I look at their lineup, i love it...but in a basketball fan way, not necessarily a basketball analyst way. For instance:
You know Uncle Pauly is my nigga. Has been since he entered the league. I've said multiple times that his game may be (outisde of Kobe's) the most complete. And I can recall an evening at the Post where everyone ridiculed me for saying that Paul was one of the three most clutch dudes in the league before i had to go basketballreference.com on their azzes and show his fourth quarter production and the amount of game winning shots he's made. But I kinda think he needs a change of scenery.
You know Delonte West is like my lil brother. When i first moved to DC i keep hearing about this Bastion that was headed for UMass. So I went to a Northwestern game in College Park to check him out, only to notice this ethiopian-frail, albino kid with what looked to be a huge cold-sore on his mouth. And he was dumbin out. Doin all the smart things on the court that "ball-players" do, not just running and jumping around like an athlete with his head cut off. I called it that day. I saidm "This lil albino nigga Delonte is gonna make noise.'' He's proving me right.
I slept on Big Al. Saw him workout for the Hawks before the 2004 Draft and he was unimpressive. Brandon Bass even backed him down below the basket and dunked on him with two hands -- from a stand still. But dude's got game, much like Zack and Brand.
And they got that high school dude, too. Gerald Green looks like he's got mounds of game...but no more than JR Smith has or had and its still takin him time...I dont tyhink Green will contribute much to a PLAYOFF team.
And Boston also has one of my favs -- Gangsta Rick. White people hate him. Dudes like me love him. He does everything with a swagger and I brush my teeth with swagger. If it werent for basketball, he'd end up bein a 60-year-old wino, which I love. Matta fact, he may still end up a 60-year-old wino, which i love even more. And his game is nasty. If Sam Cassell were an athletic 2-guard, he'd be Gangsta Rick.
With all that said...what's gonna give them an edge over the rest of the glut. You might say, "They have the best player", which isn't true...since there's no denying that AI is the best player on any of these teams. And I'm takin Gil after that. Boston's also very young. Gangsta Rick can't be your second vet...that's just not poppin off.
Milwaukee: How the EFF did they get Jamaal Magloire and nothing was said about it. I saw him playin Tuesday and had no idea he got traded. That was a crazy pick up. Desmond Mason, like Ruben Patterson, sometime Q, sometime jAson Richardson and couple others...these dudes don't necessarily no how to play ball well. So givin up Mason is not that a big of a deal, especially when u got a 6-8 brute like Bobby Simmons, who knows how to play, in free agency. add magloire, sweet-strokin Redd and u got a squad. now add a healthy TJ Ford and all of sudden u gotta start thinkin playoffs.
Ford is a stright up point guard. a distributor. a play maker. he was toastin Iverson in the season opener. so u got a legit point, a legit center and two wing players -- one might be the best shooter in the league and the other is muscular swiss army knife. thats an actual team, not just a collection of athletes.
I'm not mentioning Bogut on purpose, because until he does something worth mentioning I'm blackballing him out of dislike for white people.
Knicks: You dont know how hard it is to grow up with Knicks fans. They used to root for those gawd-awful squads of the 90s that played the ugliest ball known to man. they rooted for the 99 team that went to the Final and was, by far, the worse Finals squad ever. and theyve spent the last 5-8 years making up reasons why coprnball squads were gonna make noise.
but i think they may be onto somethin this year. for the first year in forever, the Knicks have size -- not 6-7 power forwards and 6-8 centers. Jerome James, Curry and Davis are all legit big men. And Frye may pan out. They also have an athletic perimiter w Steph, Crawford, Q and Nate. But I'm still not feelin this squad.
I mean, Brown has never taken a cast of characters like this and done anything. People forget that the Philly squad didnt feature any incorribles. Iverson really wasnt a bad seed. The media made him seem that way. But he was coachable in Gtown and didnt have many blowups his first few years in the league. and look at the rest of that finals squad: Lynch, Hill, Dikembe, Snow, McKie -- these are all model citizens. Browns gig in Detroit was not exactly a miracle. They had won 52 games the year before. And Sheed isnt what the media makes him out to be either.
This NY squad. is it a team? Isaiah keeps stockpiling talent and athletes...but Bob Bass doesnt stock pile talent and athletes as much as he stockpiles parts and then championships. Buss used to do that in LA and he won championships...then he started stockpiling talent and athletes in Memphis and he's seen abunch of 45-55 win seasons but never a sniff at contention.
I think Zeke needs to change his philosophy.
But with that said, if Brown works some mysterious magic and takes the ingredients Zeke has given him and creates an actually edible dish, NYK could be dangerous.
Orlando: I'm keepin an eye on this team. They have some pieces. I like Hedo, I like Stevenson, I even still like Stevie. And, of course, I brush my teeth with lil Dwight. But I can;t see them beatin out these other teams (the way things stand now) for a playoff spot. Unless Dwight just goes bizerk, which he's capable of doing.
Here's the makeshift preview i put together on them for the Times. A feature on Dwight. And some corny lineup capsules.
West tomorrow.
1. Miami Heat: I was at TD Waterhouse working on a Magic story and the Heat had just finished their shootaround and the procession of players left the court, walked through the black curtains and headed to the lockerroom. Check who I saw: GP with his arm around Wade. James Posey. Antoine Walker nudging Udonis Haslem outta the way. Jason Williams. Zo and then Shaq.
That's a crazy eight. You hear a lot of talk about will they mesh...I don't know. But it hit me right then, this squad is nuts. I was sittin in a chair looking up at baller after baller waltz by and it hit me in a weird way how loaded they are.
and Shaq looks downright criminal. Yo, every day I curse his life for bein a fat slob those lastb couple years for my squad, but u gotta give dude props for how he looks this season. Cant even really describe what it feels like to stand to dude and realize that there may not be an ounce of fat on his 7-1, 330-pound fame.
With that said -- he's not Shaq anymore. Said that last year and he really didnt prove me wrong. This year itll be even more of a remarkable decline. I dont care how dielsel he is.
And, even though theyre loaded. I'm not really feelin that lineup. Williams doesnt scare me, neither does Walker, Posey, Zo or anyone else. Shaq barely scares. Only Wade, the smartest player in the league, really scares me. I say that because, I think they'll finish with the East's best record because theyre one of the top 3 teams and they play in the worse division and Indy and Det have to play each other and the Cavs four times.
But I'm not feelin this championship talk.
2. Indiana Pacers: I really love this squad. Starting five is basically hole-less, even if u dont get down with Mally. O'Neal, Artest, Jacosn, Tinsely and Foster is a well balnced, talented, inside-outside, defensive minded starting 5. Then u add Freddy Jones, Granger, a healthy Bender, that euro kat and some big white stiffs: Croshere and Pollard -- that's a squad. What dont they do well? They're athletic and strong. And these dudes also have that anxiety aspect too. Last year couldve been their hyear, so theyre chompin at the bit to show-n-prove.
I'm expectin the usual 20-10 from ONeal. 20-7-3-3 from Artest, plus lock down D. And dont sleep on Granger like I did predraft.
I'm pickin them to win it all. thats on some real ish. so chew on it.
3. NJ Nets: Man they were one Shareef-trade away from bein really dangerous. But they have the best threesome in the world. Only me, Eva Mendes and Beyonce gettin physical could top Vince-J-Jeff on the court. I'm not quite sold on Philly, yet, for reasons I'll explain and Boston is so young with Uncle Pauly possibly on his way out. I gotta think that Kidd-Carter-Jeff could take the Atlantic 3-on-5.
But they made nice pickups too. McInnis and Cliff Robinson are the type of vets (with nigga streaks) that can solidify that squad. I could see them snatchin a series away from one of the top 3 teams in May.
4. Cleveland Cavs: Yeah I said it. Theyre finishing higher than Detroit, though that doesnt neccesarily mean theyre better.
My lil brother Bron is doing 26-8-8 this year. My former fam on the Wizards side, Hughes, is gonna duplicate what he did in DC last year. Donyell Marshall was a bangin pickup. And please recognize how dope it was for Ferry to kop Damon Jones from Miami. Jones is gonna get kickouts left and right and drain them. And he's gonna wipe Bron after he shards and dab his lil pee-pee after Bron urinates. He'll be the same with Bron as he was with Shaq. I think its hilarious. But I wonder if other players look at the Jones sluts himself for the superstars approvals and start hatin on couz. I would. Because, although his antics are comical -- like accomopanying Shaq to buy xmas toys and hoppin around like some monkey in a Disney movie -- theyre a bit shameful for a grown man.
This Mike Brown dude...I'm sold on hi coaching my lil brother into the playoffs. his coaching pedigree aint even that ill. I'm aboslutely not willing to playoff basketball withoput Lebron. If it happens again this year, I'll be on some ol' assasination moves. The whole league is invested in this kid. we cant leave the reigns to a squad like this in the hnads of a rookie coach.
It feels bad to not be fully supporting one of my brothers, but this Bron situation too important.
5. Detroit Pistons: Last year Detroit coasted. This year, not only will they coast, they'll miss Brown. I've been a Flip Saunders supporter for some time now. I always though my boys were way too hard on the dude. We'll see what he's wrth this season.
I say that because, Detroit was always a squad that was solid, but I think Brown meant more to them than any other coach. By the end of the season, Big Ben seemed like he was disinterested. I can only imagine how he'll get down w/ Flip. And Sheed is another story. I've never subscribed to the "Sheed is a cancer" stories, but I think his respect for Brown went along way. Even Chaunc...is he really gonna accord Flip enough respect when Flip tries to tell him to cool out on his shot selection. Chaunc might, at least, have a slight tendency to look at him and say "We been to finals two years in a row and we won one of em. So take your lil bird-lips and blue-gray Men's Warehouse suit and kick rocks dude."
Plus, there's this franchise wide mandate to get Darko some time. Could be disastrous. I saw some of his moves and he looks like he has the requisite skill to be a player. I saw him make a couple nice moves around the basket. But i think he's a perfect D-League candidate...only they cant send him down there anymore since he's been in the league for more than 2 years. I don't think the vets on that squad have enough pateince for him yet.
I could see Dteroit not even winning 50 games...seriously.
6 - 8..It gets real dicey here. Philly, Boston, NYK, Wash, Orlando and even Milwaukee could grab these spots.
Philly: I watched them yesterday and even though they lost, i was diggin that squad. They're young and athletic with two of the greatest players of the Platinum Age anchorin the squad.
Props to my nigga Chuck on callin Dre Iguodala. I was so hard on that young boy. But he's a figgin murderer on the court. he's mean and i like it. he's big and strong too. He'always on the boards and, maybe in a year or two, might be as good defensively as Artest. MATTA FACT, thats it, Dre is like a more sane Artest. Philly caught a gem with him.
I also saw Salmons getting more time that Korver, which I don't mind, because it'd be a lineup of like AI, Dre, Salmons, Webb and Dalembert (when he gets back from that quad injury). Thats danger right there. Especially if Mo does a good job coaching.
Webb had over 30 and looked better than last year, when he had absolutely no mobitlity..but he's not the old Webb. There was a moment last night where I started thinkin about Webbs career and my stomach dropped because he's such a shell of himself. He can still drop 30 and still, probably, the best passer in the Post...but i miss that explosiveness. Him and LJ. They almsot make me teary.
Byt: Did anyone see that outfit AI rocked to the game. Was he rockin timbs with his dressy-get up. He really needs to grow. Stay tuned for a cornrows-novel-blog.
WASH: Allow me to talk my brothers in DC for moment.
After last night's game, what do yall think? I see everybody going on and on about how the Wiz improved so much. and, although I tend to agree, I think people are missing the point. Here's the thing...the Huges move was gangsta. Grunfield didn't give Hughes the big dough and then, managed to spin Kwame into Caron and Atkins and then sign Daniels for cheap. So our perimiter is lookin def. Griity, got some defenders, more bodies, vets, couple shooters. We even got Jarvis back, which we can't lightly. I love his game. he wastes little motion, his stroke is dumb-sweet, he's even kinda smart. I mean, look at our perimiter: Gil, Jarv, Daniels, Atkins, Caron, Twain. Who's goin 6-deep like that? no one.
But we have to get better right? everyone else did. but goin 6-deep on the perimiter didnt actually make us better. u can have Twain as a soft, unathletic 4 if your center is Shaq or Ben Wallace. You can have an uncoordinated, no-game dork like Brendan be yoru center if Amare is your power forward. But they cant both start...ESPECIALLY if ur only comin off the bench with Etan and Ruffin.
I'm just not sold on us right now. I see us in the playoffs, but i think Grunfield needs to make a move with some of our perimiter guys and get us a big body. nothing special...just somebody tough. i'll take Tony Battie.
And did u see Caron on that break? Why isn't he starting? I have no patience for Jared Jeffries...what's he good for?
Boston: I kinda like this squad a lot. But theyre still really young. Dont discount the impact GP had on the squad last year and then the jolt Toine gave them. subtract those two and i don't know if their gettin at 45 wins this year. When I look at their lineup, i love it...but in a basketball fan way, not necessarily a basketball analyst way. For instance:
You know Uncle Pauly is my nigga. Has been since he entered the league. I've said multiple times that his game may be (outisde of Kobe's) the most complete. And I can recall an evening at the Post where everyone ridiculed me for saying that Paul was one of the three most clutch dudes in the league before i had to go basketballreference.com on their azzes and show his fourth quarter production and the amount of game winning shots he's made. But I kinda think he needs a change of scenery.
You know Delonte West is like my lil brother. When i first moved to DC i keep hearing about this Bastion that was headed for UMass. So I went to a Northwestern game in College Park to check him out, only to notice this ethiopian-frail, albino kid with what looked to be a huge cold-sore on his mouth. And he was dumbin out. Doin all the smart things on the court that "ball-players" do, not just running and jumping around like an athlete with his head cut off. I called it that day. I saidm "This lil albino nigga Delonte is gonna make noise.'' He's proving me right.
I slept on Big Al. Saw him workout for the Hawks before the 2004 Draft and he was unimpressive. Brandon Bass even backed him down below the basket and dunked on him with two hands -- from a stand still. But dude's got game, much like Zack and Brand.
And they got that high school dude, too. Gerald Green looks like he's got mounds of game...but no more than JR Smith has or had and its still takin him time...I dont tyhink Green will contribute much to a PLAYOFF team.
And Boston also has one of my favs -- Gangsta Rick. White people hate him. Dudes like me love him. He does everything with a swagger and I brush my teeth with swagger. If it werent for basketball, he'd end up bein a 60-year-old wino, which I love. Matta fact, he may still end up a 60-year-old wino, which i love even more. And his game is nasty. If Sam Cassell were an athletic 2-guard, he'd be Gangsta Rick.
With all that said...what's gonna give them an edge over the rest of the glut. You might say, "They have the best player", which isn't true...since there's no denying that AI is the best player on any of these teams. And I'm takin Gil after that. Boston's also very young. Gangsta Rick can't be your second vet...that's just not poppin off.
Milwaukee: How the EFF did they get Jamaal Magloire and nothing was said about it. I saw him playin Tuesday and had no idea he got traded. That was a crazy pick up. Desmond Mason, like Ruben Patterson, sometime Q, sometime jAson Richardson and couple others...these dudes don't necessarily no how to play ball well. So givin up Mason is not that a big of a deal, especially when u got a 6-8 brute like Bobby Simmons, who knows how to play, in free agency. add magloire, sweet-strokin Redd and u got a squad. now add a healthy TJ Ford and all of sudden u gotta start thinkin playoffs.
Ford is a stright up point guard. a distributor. a play maker. he was toastin Iverson in the season opener. so u got a legit point, a legit center and two wing players -- one might be the best shooter in the league and the other is muscular swiss army knife. thats an actual team, not just a collection of athletes.
I'm not mentioning Bogut on purpose, because until he does something worth mentioning I'm blackballing him out of dislike for white people.
Knicks: You dont know how hard it is to grow up with Knicks fans. They used to root for those gawd-awful squads of the 90s that played the ugliest ball known to man. they rooted for the 99 team that went to the Final and was, by far, the worse Finals squad ever. and theyve spent the last 5-8 years making up reasons why coprnball squads were gonna make noise.
but i think they may be onto somethin this year. for the first year in forever, the Knicks have size -- not 6-7 power forwards and 6-8 centers. Jerome James, Curry and Davis are all legit big men. And Frye may pan out. They also have an athletic perimiter w Steph, Crawford, Q and Nate. But I'm still not feelin this squad.
I mean, Brown has never taken a cast of characters like this and done anything. People forget that the Philly squad didnt feature any incorribles. Iverson really wasnt a bad seed. The media made him seem that way. But he was coachable in Gtown and didnt have many blowups his first few years in the league. and look at the rest of that finals squad: Lynch, Hill, Dikembe, Snow, McKie -- these are all model citizens. Browns gig in Detroit was not exactly a miracle. They had won 52 games the year before. And Sheed isnt what the media makes him out to be either.
This NY squad. is it a team? Isaiah keeps stockpiling talent and athletes...but Bob Bass doesnt stock pile talent and athletes as much as he stockpiles parts and then championships. Buss used to do that in LA and he won championships...then he started stockpiling talent and athletes in Memphis and he's seen abunch of 45-55 win seasons but never a sniff at contention.
I think Zeke needs to change his philosophy.
But with that said, if Brown works some mysterious magic and takes the ingredients Zeke has given him and creates an actually edible dish, NYK could be dangerous.
Orlando: I'm keepin an eye on this team. They have some pieces. I like Hedo, I like Stevenson, I even still like Stevie. And, of course, I brush my teeth with lil Dwight. But I can;t see them beatin out these other teams (the way things stand now) for a playoff spot. Unless Dwight just goes bizerk, which he's capable of doing.
Here's the makeshift preview i put together on them for the Times. A feature on Dwight. And some corny lineup capsules.
West tomorrow.
posted by Twistinado @ 1:39 PM
4 comments
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
It's on the way...
You know it's comin'. The Commish's 2005-6 NBA gospel. I'm giddy right now. Even thinkin about koppin DirectTV's NBA package if I can break it up in to three bills, which I think I can. That way, I can tape every Lakers and Wiz game with my TiVo.
There's some sadness with this particular season, though: No one to share it with.
I've never began an NBA season anywhere other than Buff or DC. In Buff I had my Pops and all my crew to revel with. In DC I had the fellas.
This year, it's just me. Outside of a couple email exchanges I've had with the Fellas in DC and a convo I had with Pops about Amare and an email string about the Knicks with my Long Island camp...it's been a lonely preseason.
It comes with the territory, though.
Check me tomorrow for the Preview though. And then, after that, it's back to regular blogging...I've been lazy lately.
There's some sadness with this particular season, though: No one to share it with.
I've never began an NBA season anywhere other than Buff or DC. In Buff I had my Pops and all my crew to revel with. In DC I had the fellas.
This year, it's just me. Outside of a couple email exchanges I've had with the Fellas in DC and a convo I had with Pops about Amare and an email string about the Knicks with my Long Island camp...it's been a lonely preseason.
It comes with the territory, though.
Check me tomorrow for the Preview though. And then, after that, it's back to regular blogging...I've been lazy lately.
posted by Twistinado @ 10:00 AM
6 comments
