A Couple Things: Lizards, scallions and desegregation

It's been a busy week folks. But not busy like you'd probably think. I'll definitely get at you early next week to fill you in on some things. Until then, I guess I gotta hit you with another lame post of random tidbits. Sorry...

-- I FOUND THE LIZARD!!! Remember that lizard that had somehow made its way into my crib? The one that I later had a nightmare about, a nightmare where the lizard grew into a Raptor, slammed me to the ground and started stomping on my crotch? Yeah, that one.

Well, while clearing out my second room, the room that shut and sealed for 4 months, I found the dried up lil critter in a cell-case. I guess that was his self-made burial. I starved that sucker to death. He didn't have any eyes, because he probably ripped them out in lamentation and severe hunger.

-- speaking of "severe", that's how Steve Carrell chose to refer to Angela, the office nazi. He called her "severe"! I just think that's the most appropriate description for an individual with no discernable personality, other than being cold and anal. It's the little things people.

-- I'm a current fan of scallions. I've been putting them in everything: omeletes, mashed potatoes, tuna...cereal. The yellow onion is dead to me. What's its use? Either u come scallion, or just stay home. It's actually very simple, reasonable, warranted and necessary.

-- What is the deal with several districts trying to overturn desegregation laws in school zones? I got a lot to say about this, but not quite enough time. It is funny though, talk to some older blacks, especially southerners that grew up before schools were desegregated in late 60s...they say desegregation KILLED the African American community, almost as much as the crack epidemic. They say the decentrilization of kids and the absence of black teacher-role models, etc, they say it did more harm than good. Interesting right? I mean, if "seperate, but equal" was an actual possibility, would it be cool to return to those days for schools, as opposed to bussing them all over the place for diversity sakes? I'm spitballin' here.

-- When the new Omar drops stateside, you MUST go kop. It's called "Sing...If You Want It" and its a revelation.

I've also now listened -- intently -- to the amjority of Bob Dylan's discography. And from Blonde on Blonde to the Basement Tapes to Higway 61 Revisited...sorry, just not a fan. Dude's a lyricist and a heavy, heavy man. I'll give him that, obviously. But that is not some music I'd choose to listen to. Add him to the Johnny Cash list of legends I don't pump with. Just thought you'd like to know.

A Couple Things: Chavez, Sitcoms and Survivors

-- Did yall hear about how the Hugo Chavez (Venezuelan President) straight set it on Bush? Better, yet, did you see it?!?!!!!!!!! It was a performance. I mean, I was sittin there at my desk, yesterday morning, watchin CNN and almost spilled coffee all over my robe. This dude called Bush the Devil! But then told those gathered at the UN that the Devil was there yesterday and Bush's devil steez is so strong, that the smell of "sulfur" had lingered. I mean, think about that contempt!!!! He was saying Bush is so evil and reprehensible, that he carries the scent of hellfire (btw: I don't believe in hell). That was such a powerful and comical image. It was delightful.

Then he mimed a cross and acted like he was kissing a cross-pendant, or whatever it is that Catholics do. Like I said, it was a performance. I mean, the wonderful gall of this man.

What's scary is the disdain that so many countries have for America. Thats not news. But I think more and more, foreign niggas aint drinkin the Kool-Aid anymore. The US is going the way of NYC hiphop. And I don't know if it's more disdain for the Bush Administration or just America. Because you can't even say its disdain for Western culture, because Western nations dislike America right about now.

And the disdain is also beginning to take on a good deal of incredulity, like "Who do you think you are." There's a jokish quality about the way the international community views the current state. Like, "Are you serious?"

Chavez said he could still smell sulfur!!!!!.....he greased Bush.

-- Is anyone else with me? Are we in agreement that sitcoms are experiencing a revitilization? I wouldnt have known this without TiVo...but Office, My Name is Earl, Everybody Hates Chris and the late-Arrested Development are downright hilarious.

Did you see last night's season premiere of The Office????!!! I couldn't believe how funny it was. It was off the richter scale funny, it was a comedic earthquake.

This might not be a new theory, but it all has to do with the fact that more and more sitcoms are losing the studio audience and laugh track. I don't watch random sitcoms, but sometimes, I might watch some syndication during the day or late night...and laugh tracks sound ridiculous to me now. Studio audiences seem utterly wack. Who would do that anymore?

The thing about studio audiences is that u have a bunch of rubes sitting in the stands wanting to be entertained and u have audiences at home wanting to be entertained, so the whole show is full of successive scenes and dialogue set up to head into an over the top punchline. So it's set up, punchline...set up, punchline. Then u have this dumb audience and laugh-track thats steering the ship more than the writing, because the writing is solely there for the setup-punchline thing. there is NO subtelty or reality in any of that.

Shows like Everybody Hates Chris and the Office, they just let u watch the show and they have far greater license to be naturally funny than the slapstick studio audience shows. Arrested Development was great at that.

I'm delighted. I mean, I can't begin to describe how comical last night Office was. If you don't have TiVo or DVR, it'll prolly be difficult to check these shows, since no one our age does the whole, be home at 8pm thing anymore -- unless it Sunday night with HBO -- but record a couple of these shows and peep the steez. Sitcoms are back.

-- Jazz Survivor Series is back in effect in a HUGE way. Dubb, text me your email addy, because ur joints always bounce back. I think Rick gave me your wrong joint, because bellsouth joint doesnt work.

-- yall know the reporters that uncovered the steroids scandal in baseball? They got a jail sentence for not giving up their sources, something they claim was protected by the 1st Amendment. The gov wanted to know who leaked grand jury testimony and the reporters didnt snitch, its something us journalist take seriously: the confidentiality of our sources.

I feel bad for the dudes. But I'm proud of what they did. Anyways, enought journo talk.

-- Also...i got some entertaining stories I need to tell, just not enough time today, Maybe this weekend, so stay tuned.

comin soon...

New post before 3p, trust that.

Like I Was Sayin...

Yooooooo...wuddup fam? Long time, right? I promise that the fact that it seems like a "longtime" more and more these days is some sort of prolonged abberation. Let's catch up, though?

-- Last week was one of my most unproductive, yet productive weeks of my life. Remember that "gangsta rap" conversation I posted, based on an email string that me and my crew engaged in? Maybe u do, maybe u dont. Regardless, we've decided to tackle another question: What are the 10 Best/Greatest albums in black music since 2000 and what does that reveal about music in the new millenny? It all began as a way to view the new Gnarls Barkley.That's all I'll say about it right now. The point is, I have spent that past 7-10 days STUDYING music like a research professor, as has the crew. I'm talkin' scientific knowledge is being done on these albums. The conclusions will be incredible and for public consumption on my nigga's website, which I will put u onto soon.

-- Yall know the kid is a monster in the kitchen. In a different life I'd have liked to have a chef and open my own small restuarant and run that ish like a G. I mean, I have a gmail message that I use to keep recipes (I have 8). But the nigga Twist is the WORSE when it comes to very sinple things, like boiling eggs. I have to be the worse. Only retards and cripples are worse. And when I say retards, I mean a really dumb retard. And when I say cripple, I mean a def person, with no arms and no sense of smell.

I'm sittin in the crib last night, watching that new Sorkin drama with Matthew Perry (Studio 60, good stuff) and all of sudden I hear huge pop. Initially I thought I broke my chair, that was until I smelled the eggs burning and arrived in the kitchen to see sizeable chunks of burnt egg strewn all over the tile. I mean, I just cant get it right. It's an issue.

-- This is on some straight up sincerity: I'm CRAZY dissapointed that Whitney and Bobby are divorcing. I was so impressed with the resilience of that union. And I'm not jokin, this is real. But its like Jill Scott said, sometimes u gotta walk away "slowly, surely" from certain destructive loves. And there's was prolly that. Either that or Bobb was just rampant and blatant with his infidelity. But thats a sad situation man. All that perseverence down the drain.

-- Last week's Jazz Survivors negligence was inexcusable. I'll make it up this week. The problem I'm running into (which had nothing to do with last week's negligence) is that jazz isn't pop music, forced to adhere to the laws of radio. So most of the joints I wanna send are anywhere from 8-20 minutes. I can't send that through an email. Most accounts bounce it back. So I gotta resolve that.

-- Right now, its been a good 12 hours since I could locate my phone. This coming a few days after misplacing my wallet. Yep, the kid is a grown-up.

The Wire

I pirated the new Justin Timberlake yesterday. It's kinda monstrous. I'm not gonna write 6,000 words on dude on this blog. But i'll just say this: Having Timbaland produce the album was genius, because Timbo is a genius. In fact, as my niggas Larry pointed out, I might have screwed up not puttin sun on the Music Dude Top 7 joint. Timbo is on some serious ish throughout this album.

And you know what? Yes, JT is a white boy. Yes, JT is a gay acting white boy. Yes JT is a black-approval-whore and culture-pirate. But the young white dude studied. And the young white dude is ambitious. The album -- when it's good -- is smoking. He has some really corny joints, especially the track where he tries to get TOO soulful and take us to the church and get all social on us. Its some of the weakest music I've ever heard. But when him and Timbo do that r&b/funk...like the Godfather of Soul once said, they're "Doing it to death." Kudos to the studious white boy and this new R&B banger.

Now that thats done. Lets get to the Wire. I had planned to novel-blog about, but I spent 5 minutes responding to one of my niggas emails...so I'm just posting that. Lazy? No. Synergizing? Yes.

****************

Anyways...this season is shaping up to be, perhaps, its best ever.Which is gonna be hard, seeing that Stringer was always the mostcompelling figure. And neither Marlo or Chris are characters or actorson Stringer's level. I do like how Chris has a lot of sway over Marlo.Ever since last year, Marlo consistently consults him big time ondecisions. Like when he got a call from that girl Avon sent to get himcaught up. He turned to Chris and was like, "What you think aboutthat?" Chris just shrugged. And I like how niggas on the street arepetrified of this dude, too. Like when Lex noticed it was Snoop (whowould be a pretty girl, if she didnt dress, act and talk like aman...check her smile next time. It's pretty) in the dark playgroundand tried to book, then saw ur boy..he was like, "Chris, I, I..." Dudewasnt havin it tho.

What interests me is that Marlo's righthand manalso carries out most of his muscle work. That doesnt seem like asmart move to me. But the way theyre stashing these bodies takes somuch discipline, maybe they dont trust anyone else.Marlo and them got Lester and the crew dooped, tho. All that talkabout how they're no Barksdale crew..but ,maybe they are and more.Think about this...Marlo and them showed more fortitude and won thestaring contest with Barksdale (what I also thought was hot, was howMarlo never sent his stuff to Amsterdam)...and then took overeverything when the time was right, without inviting a bunch of policeattention.

On one of the Wire previews, the guy that plays Daniels made a reallygood point about the Wire's overall steez with its casting. He said,"You always see the black criminal. But what u never see on televisionor in Hollywood is the black criminal genius." And then the image ofStringer flashed on the screen.And that's when it hit me...the reason I can watch the Wire and notfeel like "same ol', same ol'" is because Simon and Burns' portrayalof these black crooks isn't negligent and agenda-driven. These guysare journalists, who have covered courts and cops, etc...so they knowthe sometimes incredible amount of forethought, discipline, ingenuityand smarts it takes to do what some of these guys do. Its still heinous, but don't trivialize it. It's eye-opening actually.But then Wendell -- the dude that plays Bunk -- on the show, he waslike, if some of these guys took that energy and intellect and appliedit to something else...there's no telling. Which is very true andsaid, but then, what arena other than sports and hiphop do AfricanAmerican men not face the steepest of uphill climbs? Ya know? Theyrestars in the drug game. Sad stuff, but something the Wire deals within such an intelligent way.

I still hate Calcutti and this whole Mayoral thing. His charactergrates on me. His face, his voice, everything. And for some reason,they made him an even bigger prick this season. I watched the Wire 3times yesterday. And after the first viewing, I just fast forwardedthrough all his scenes. ALTHOUGH, I like the Norman character (hischief of staff). I like his 'tude. It's funny.The kids stories will be great. They were goin this direction thefirst season with Poot and Wallace and Bodie...except, theseyoungsters are actually in school. The preview show set up theirstories nicely and it looks like it'll be the first show thataccurately depicts what happens to urban youth in the public schoolsystem.

A Couple Things: Jazz Survivors; The Wire; Steve Zissou

There should be another post, soon about my trip back to Buff. I saw old friends, experience the most depressing moment of my life and reached yet another epiphany about my stay here in Flroida. Until then, a couple quickies...

-- for all of you that expect the jazz tune every Friday. Accept my most sincere apologies for missing it last week. As soon as I touched down in Buff Thurs morning, I started doing the "back home" thing, where ur schedules fills up ridiculously fast. When I go home, I don't lounge, I recreate and associate. I woke up at 2pm Friday, because I got home at 7am. Ultimately, I screwed up last Friday and will have somethin in everyone's inbox by Friday late morning. And a good one too, since much of my jazz discography that got stolen out of my car in 2003 has returned, thanks to Vino's Case Logic and RealPlayer's CD ripper. I'll have a doozy for you. And I think we're ready to really start rolling. I'm takin off the kid gloves, chilrin.

-- NOBODY...I repeat, NOBODY, better say a friggin word to me about The Wire. That is my favorite show on television, has been for 6 years. And we've been waiting for close to two years for this new season. And with a whole new storyline...I'm giddy.

Problem is, I don't have On Demand. I have DirectTV. On Demand folks got the sneak preview Sept. 4. I have to wait till this Sunday. If I get one email or blog post about the show, I'm murdering the author. Please take me seriously on this one.

-- Yesterday, around 1am or so, I was loggin off of my computer and told my nigga Gee I was gettin ready to fall asleep to Two For the Money. That gambling movie with Pacino and McCoughnehy. I like doing that. I can watch ANY movie at night, as long as it doesn't include disturbing images or sinister plots that will give me -- a 6-year-old lil girl -- nightmares. Because, sadly, I get those. I'll get a nightmare even watching something ridiculous like Freddie. I can't shake it folks. Laugh, ridicule, do whatever -- it's just how it is.

But other than that, the bar I set for the movies I watch in my bed after 1 or 2 am is about as low as one can possibly go. Stupid frat-boy movie? I'll check it. Romantic comedy? Vince kinda has a thing for those anyways (keep it going, I invite it). Ridiculously bad movie with horrible acting and stupifying plots? Well, who doesnt dig those bad boys, right?

Well, Two For the Money ended up being not THAT bad. I could probably watch it during the day. It's just that, it had Pacino in it...so I was expecting to be amused at his antics in a "that's corny and over-the-top" way. But I didn't. The point is...I was till up when it went off at 2am.

My plan was to begin watching Cliffhanger. Which, we all know is horrible. But there was a 10 minute delay and clicked on The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou to pass time. I had seen it before and didn't mind peaking in on it again.

I ended up watching it straight thru, mystified at how I didn't think it was dumbfoundingly hilarious the first time I saw.

I actually rented the DVD last year, watched it twice. Then went thru the special features. Then watched the director's commentary ( I love that feature), where Wes Anderson is in that cafe in Village and you can hear the rumble of conversation and clinking coffee cups in the background. But when I returned it, I don't remember thinking, "I gotta kop this for my collection."

I'm not a huge Anderson fan, though I love Rushmore and Tennenbaums. But I generally like the feel of his flicks. But if I remember correctly, Zissou was the least acclaimed of them all (i think his movies tend to receive polar-opposite reactions, if I'm not mistaken). I remember being ab it cool on this one too. But for some reason, it was hitting me over the head like a ton of bricks last night.

William Dafoe was hilarious. And, though I'm not intimately familiar with his filmography, I always thought he played some type of villain or antagonist. I mean, look at his face. It looks like you could put his literal face on Mount Rushmore and no one would no that his face was flesh and not chisled granite. There's no comfort in that face. Its not the face of heroes, sensitivity or comedy. Yet, he cracked me up all night. I mean, Willy D was that dude. He played this childish and effeminate crew member that did things like slap people in the face -- opened handledly -- and whimper when he wasn't chosen for the A Team. It was a revelation, probably because I'm ignorant of his body of work. Still, though.

But, by far, the dude was Bill Murray.

One of my favorite films of the last 5 years was Lost in Translation. But not because Murray was essentially hilarious. He amused me in that movie, but i love it for other reasons. In this role as Steve Zissou (i think he's an oceanographer/explorer) Murray is the ISH. I just wanna give you a couple of my favorite lines...

"You really think its cool to hit the sauce, when u got a bun in the oven?" He asked a pregnant Cate Blanchett this question when she inexplicably spit out her gum and deebo'd his last swig of beer, which he called 'sauce'. Don't u love it when people call alchohol 'sauce'? And he said it in the most incredulous tone. That line killed me.

"What I really don't need is some wambat comin' on my boat trying to railroad me." Splendid. He confided this to Dafoe (I believe) speaking of Own Wilson, who played some rich dude who thought Zissou was his father and came on the mission with them. Murray liked Blanchett, but Blanchett felt Wilson. So Wilson was always stealing Murray's shine and Murray consistently got frustrated. Which spawned the above live. A couple questions: Who calls people wambats? And what dignified grown man really lets onto the frustration of another man railroading his efforts to get close to a woman that consistently plays him to the side? The line was marvelous.

"That slutbag played us like a cheap fiddle!" Zissou was really spiteful and juvenile. For instance, Jeff Goldblum played a sleek, semi-gay oceanographer/explorer named Hennessy. Goldblum, though, ended up pullin Zissou's exasperated wife (Angelica Huston) for a moment..and you know how Goldblum is, really smarmy. Anyways, a little later, Murray has a convo with Huston and said something to the effect of "You know, I wouldnt mind Hennessy if he wasn't such a queer bag." And that was just so spiteful, in a Tony Soprano, homophobic kinda way.

Well, Zissou did that with Blanchett's character too. I believe he consistently refered to her as a bull-dyke. He'd say things like, "You know, I'd kinda dig Winslett if she wasn't such a bull-dyke." Even though he was overtly attracted to her, attempting to kiss her multiple times.

The slutbag comment killed me because he said it in front of Wilson, whom he knew had fallen for her. Fact is, Zissou was jealous, thought he had reason to demean Blanchett and -- at the same time -- get spit in Wilson's face...so he did it. Called her "slutbag" (how is that not hilarious)...but tried to soften it by attempting to get Wilson to believe she was duplicitous. But "played us like a fiddle?" Come on. That's precious.

One other line murdered me (many others just slayed me), this time by Goldblum. He had figured oput that his massive ship was ransacked (it was the Zissou camp). So he had this command for his crew.

"Load up the elephan gun with buckshots. Let's hunt these suckers down."

I'm spent.

Vince and Linda goin to Paris

Yo. It’s been a minute.

The Dude was back home in Buff for the cribs’ 30th anniversary. We had a huge bbq on Monday. The Cribs treated the extended fam and a few friends to a bangin Sunday brunch at the Skylon, overlookin Niagara Falls.

That’s where me and the sibs gave the Cribs their anniversary present – an 11-day trip to France. Their reactions were typical, indicative of who they are.

Dad is a clueless attention-hoarder. So he spent the first 5 minutes after the gift’s unveiling, crackin jokes and being loud. It took him at least a good 5 to realize he was goin to France, at which he jumped up, shouting like James Brown and giving out group hugs. Sayin things like, “Yall kids is crazy-out-yo-mind-goin-nuts! Yall crazy!” We later find out that he thought we boosted a laminated map of the falls from a gift shop and gave it to them as a joke. Like I said, he’s clueless.

Mom opened the gift. When she saw what it was, she started hyperventilating and crying like an unsuspecting winner at an awards show...better yet, like a woman who got unexpectedly proposed to. I mean, she was literally sobbing and shaking. I got a little teary eyed because it's darn near impossible to see your Moms react like that, unless you were alive when she got proposed to. And because she’s a bourgeoisie snob, she spent the rest of the afternoon butchering the French city names and bragging.

Me and the sibs felt wonderful, though.

Our parents aren’t rich. They didn’t grow up well-off; one might say my Moms was poor. They married at 21 and had Lyd at 22. Then spent the next 15-20 years raising 5 kids. By the mid-90s, Pops got a few raises and made enough duckets to get some credit cards and go into debt takin the fam to Disney World. We went three times as a fam. The first time he took out a second mortgage. The second time he maxed out his cards (and by that time Mom had started working). The third time, me and Lyd both saved for a year to help the fam out…and Pops STILL went into massive debt.

But that’s how it is for young parents of 5. They don’t go on vacations together. They go with the kids. It’s more fun than you can possible imagine, specifically with my fam, but after a while, as grown-up kids, you feel an indebtedness to them. Like, “Yo, u could never buy slick gear or take romantic trips, because u had to provide for us.” That’s a sacrifice that is difficult to grasp, especially for a selfish, 27-year-old bachelor like Twist.

Now, recently, as we’ve all gotten older. They’d do things like spend a weekend in Niagara Falls. They even went on a 5-day cruise for their 28th anniversary. But them two niggas wasn’t hardly traveling abroad.

Not necessarily because they can’t afford it. They can, at this point, with grown kids (though 3 still live at home). It’s just that, the traveling bug never hit em. Well…never hit my Pops. He’d rather call me and caravan to Chicago to catch a jazz nigga than really get into some heavy-duty travel. Moms, on the other hand, being a quasi-snob, always had a jonesing for France.
My sister Lyd speaks fluent French. Even served as a missionary for the Haitians in the Bronx and Westchester County. I always think Moms lived vicariously thru that. Moms would do ridiculous things like sign up for French classes and drop them when it became clear that she was far too old to learn a new language – easily.

Her dream, though, was to go to Paris. Which is why, when I came back from Europe in 2002, she was the most excited to hear stories and see pictures.

She tried on several occasions to get Pops motivated about a trip overseas. That’s big-dough and Pops aint rollin with Gs in the bank. That’s just how it is for a dude that provided for a fam of our size for so long and is still, basically, the sole breadwinner (P and Chris got jobs but Pops refuses to take any type of rent money).

It became increasingly clear that – as a group of grown up siblings – the best present would be to make Moms dream come true. Especially since we knew that Pops would be down, excited even…just that he would never initiate the trip.

So it’s done. They’re going to Paris in March. For all you Buffalonians, please accept my advance apologies for the incessant chatter and bragging you will get from Moms. She can’t help it, she’s excited. And you should be excited for her.

And for everyone else, when I post the pic of Pops in a French beret, drinkin wine at a sidewalk café…we’ll…let’s just wait for it.