10 Things I Hate About You (or white people)

I really like white people. And I mean that sincerely.

There. That was my, "I'm not racist, I have black friends" preface for this post. Because, as much as I like the caucasians, they do things that I find extremely annoying. This shouldn't be a surpirse to anyone. Not because I'm Vince, but because I'm human. And, most individuals that grow up in a certain culture will find idiosyncracies or ways of actions specific to other cultures to be annoying, irritating, sometimes unbearable. And sometimes we don't even know our culture-specific actions are annoying the snot of someone of a different ethnicity or culture...most of the time we just don't care.

Funny, but my old friend Jessica from high school messaged me on myspace a couple months back. This was our first communication in close to 10 years. She's white and was one of my favorite people to antagonize in high school, because she engaged me and always gave more benefit-of-the-doubt than I observed. In the message she said she remembered the fun we had during our daily debates, then added a parenthetic: "even if you used to frustrate me with you stereotyping." It could be me at breakfast with about six other white kids and i'd say, "You know what I hate about white people?" or "And, see, that's what I hate about white people."...and I'd usually follow that up with something that was either really shallow, purposely antagonistic, or trivial...but, it was still something that I hated -- or, more accurately -- something that annoyed me.

Now, I'd say 50% of the time they'd disregard whatever I said as goading-gibberish (I was, afterall, bestowed with the unenviable Senior Year tag of "Talks The Most, Says The Least")...but something tells me they took a lot of what I had to say to heart as well.

Like, for instance, take my nigga Jim D from Orlando. (He is, in fact, not a nigger at all. He's a white.) But we were at some rube of a bar on Robinson once and got into some type of racial discussion and Jim had a "You know what annoys me about black people?" moments. He said sometimes what black people think is whistle-blowing or voicing displeasure about legitmate gripes, can be misconstrued as straight-up complaining by him and the caucasians. He said it's frustrating for him because he thinks blacks can turn away caucs interested in upbuilding and proactive dialogue with their whining, complaining, belly-aching, moaning, etc.

That was the gist of it. I disagreed with him on 65% of what he was saying, mostly because I had a different take on the situation, but partly because he was a white and I always get concerned when a white expresses sentiments that even begin to lean toward the, "Stop whining, put on your boots and get to work like the immigrants of the 18th, 18th and 20th centuries."

But the fact that this sentiment was coming from a dude I considered a friend, I thought about it for a good portion of my drive back to Tampa. I recognized he had some points, but it also made me think to myself, "Watch how you voice displeasure about the American status-quo, because its not just some redneck or rich prick that might take it the wrong way." I don't why it took Jim, in a routine convo about routine social issues, to bring me to this epiphany. But it did. It was one of those glimpses from the other side...in this case, the side of a cauc.

This a long-winded way to get me to what is really like a public service for any white that might read this blog, because I've had it up to here with your use and spelling of slang words and terms.

I know, "How in the world...better yet, why in the world did he take that route to get to this destination?" I don't really have a good answer for that...I guess as I was typing I started thinking about 1.) how, from day one, white people have annoyed me and i've told them so and I hope that they've taken some of my diatribes and ramblings to heart...and 2.) i've been on the other side and it's actually helped me.

In this case, one of my three genie wishes would be "Help black people to speak and spell better english and help white people to speak and spell better slang." Are we allowed twofers?

Anyway...here's a list of some things that I need you whites to clean up...

-- It's "peops", not "peeps". First of yall, you dorks, we don't really use the term "peops" anymore. It's just not cool, probably because you started using it too much. But, just so you know, "peops" is short for "people"...I don't really know where anyone would get the idea to write "peeps"...and I see it in too many magazines, newspapers and online sites. What is a "peep"? Really. I mean, think about what you're writing.

Now, it's still aight to use the term "peoples". That's still cool. As in, "Yeah, I'm bout to head downtown and get up with my peoples." Or, "Yeah, I know Ray. That's my peoples."

You will not catch any non-goober under the age of 40 using the word "peops". If you use the phrase "peops" in any manner, other than for satirical purposes, you are sounding like a geek. Now, that is meant only for the rubes that think they're sounding hip and "with it" when they say things like, "Yeah, I just saw Ray downtown tossin' it up with his peops."

And please desist with spelling it as "peeps". This is not appropriate.

-- It is "sun", not "son". Yes, we know you watch Chapelle and you've taken to using this phrase a lot in your everyday language. It's OK with us. In fact, "sun" has become so engrained in black/urban lexicons that I feel there is no way whites can ever make us stop using it, no matter how dorkish they make it sound or no matter if we start seeing Old Navy ads that end, "It's the new style, sun!"

Now...onto the spelling. "Sun" became a popular way to refer to one another during the mid-90s. I'm gonna say that New York rappers like nigs in Wu-Tang and Nas and kats like that brought it to the urban mass. But it's a term rooted in 5% rhetoric. Five percenters are a sect of the Islamic faith. Long story short, the refer to men as heavenly bodies, namely "sun" and "god"...during the 90s, especially in the northeast, everyone used to call each other "god", it was us taking after the slang spoken on the east coast rap records and many of them either dabbled in 5% teachings or were very serious about it.

It is not "son". Period. My nigga Maese -- who is not a nigger, but a white -- seemed generally shocked to hear this and I'm pretty sure he still doesn't believe me....but I'm here to let everyone know: it is "sun"....now, if white people would stop saying "sun" like Dave Chapelle, then that would make my day...but I'm not holding my breath.

-- can white people please stop refering to their friends as "b*thches"? Can u do this for me, PLEASE! Can you stop saying things, like, "This weekend I'm going to Mexico, b*tcheeeeeeeezzzzzz!" Or, answering questions with, "Hells yeah, b*tcheeeeeezzzzzzzzz!" I mean, why can't you stop this? Why do you have to continue with it. And, am I the only one that is annoyed by this?

-- you whites MUST stop refering to people by their first inital or first syllable of their first name and first syllable of their last name. Why are you still doing this more than 3 or 4 years after it became the ultimate indication that a person was a schmuck? Why are calling someone name Shomar Casey and Shocase or Myron Dickinson as Mydick? Why do think thats cool? Can't you just call N-Bar, Norman or Mr. Barry or whatever?

Stop it.

-- And finally...you all stopped all the iz this and iz that, right? You're not still doing the izzo this and izzy that, right? Wait...no? You're still going? Why?

I'm spent.