Love Don't Live There
Here's something we all know: I'm a Love-Life Loser. For 27 years, I've lost at that game. But here's something I won't do: online-dating. I just don't get it. You won't find me on findlove.com or letsgetphysical.com or areyoumysoulmate?.com. For real, when did it become cool for a computer program to do a job that most humans used to not want other HUMANS do for them?
I'm thinking about this because I just watched a commercial for eHarmony.com, where all these couples of different ages, races, shapes, walks of life (but not sexual orientation) talking about the magic and fairytale feelings of the first time their lips touched the lips of the person they met on something called the World Wide Web. This commercial was moderated by Orville Redenbaucher, who, in the midst of popping a batches of stove-top kettle corn, somehow found time to create a Web site for people lookin for love, a first kiss and maybe some third-date nookie.
These sites are basically computer programs that tell you who you'd be good with based on some answers to questions. Some how, this process, bereft of anytype of human interaction and emotion can somehow spawn magical first kisses and lasting relationships. I'm sorry, but that's a bunch of JJ Redick.
The day is not drawing near, that day is here.
I remember growing up, Hannah Barbara tried to run game on me and my peers -- he'd been doing it for a couple generations. This space-age fundamentalist tried to get me to believe that I'd have a Rosie by the time we it was 12:01 in the new millenium. I believed him for a while, but it was 1995 and I was listening to D'Angelo (probably Jonz in my Bonz), I was about 16-yrs-old or something, and I predicted that I'd still be driving a car on the ground in 2000 and I wouldn't have a Rosie to clean the pubes out of my tub. That's be on Twist.
But then, within a year, I got hip to this World Wide Web jidoint. And that quick, things are getting Jetson like, but not in a spacehighway, Rosie kinda way. I think it's going past that. If people are relying on computer programs to hook them up with love, I don't know how much further we can go. I mean, what can be next? Are computer programs gonna start creating music? Like, can we tell a computer program, "Sound like Phyllis Hyman, sing about heartache and make it a midtempo ballad"; and next thing you know there'd be no need for personal human experiences, gifted voices and live instruments? Is that where we're going? I mean, the makers of Polar Express were in Time magazine last year, saying that pretty soon we won't need Tom Hanks, just his voice and that technology will do the rest. How's that? Really, explain how that's cool. What is really next? Will I carry around some computer program that processes all of my human interaction for the day, takes an inventory of everytime I wronged someone and then, at the end of the day, calls that person and apologized in a computerized droid voice?
This isn't righteous indignation I'm spewing here. I'm not in the least bit mad, this isn't some soap-box. I'm not wagging my finger or saying tsk-tsk. It's merely some genuine incredulity and some sincere uncertainty. I really think that technology and the World Wide Web can potentially render some of the most basic, fundamental human interaction and people-stuff extinct.
Because, let's keep it funky, online matchmaking sites is just a screwy concept. A computer program posing as a meddling friend or an annoying aunt? OK.
Not to be morbid, but I hope disaster strikes some of these couples. Not so that they'll suffer, but so they'll serve as cautionary tales. We all watch 24 and we all know that, sometime a couple innocent lives are shed for the greater good. I mean, the O-Town kids arent doing too well. Ashley and Jacob, they're laughingstocks and public objects of scorn. But music is better off without BoyBands. Their suffering was necessary. So hopefully one of these eHarmony.com broads will Lorraina Bobbit some dude that posed as a George Clooney but he was really a Kevin Federline. And hopefully they'll combine the pain of their broken experiences and gang rape Orville, pour scolding hot movie butter on him and feed him uncooked kernels. Maybe thet'll learn these people.
I'm against stem cell research and I'm against computerized matchmakers.
Vote Twist in 2008.
I'm thinking about this because I just watched a commercial for eHarmony.com, where all these couples of different ages, races, shapes, walks of life (but not sexual orientation) talking about the magic and fairytale feelings of the first time their lips touched the lips of the person they met on something called the World Wide Web. This commercial was moderated by Orville Redenbaucher, who, in the midst of popping a batches of stove-top kettle corn, somehow found time to create a Web site for people lookin for love, a first kiss and maybe some third-date nookie.
These sites are basically computer programs that tell you who you'd be good with based on some answers to questions. Some how, this process, bereft of anytype of human interaction and emotion can somehow spawn magical first kisses and lasting relationships. I'm sorry, but that's a bunch of JJ Redick.
The day is not drawing near, that day is here.
I remember growing up, Hannah Barbara tried to run game on me and my peers -- he'd been doing it for a couple generations. This space-age fundamentalist tried to get me to believe that I'd have a Rosie by the time we it was 12:01 in the new millenium. I believed him for a while, but it was 1995 and I was listening to D'Angelo (probably Jonz in my Bonz), I was about 16-yrs-old or something, and I predicted that I'd still be driving a car on the ground in 2000 and I wouldn't have a Rosie to clean the pubes out of my tub. That's be on Twist.
But then, within a year, I got hip to this World Wide Web jidoint. And that quick, things are getting Jetson like, but not in a spacehighway, Rosie kinda way. I think it's going past that. If people are relying on computer programs to hook them up with love, I don't know how much further we can go. I mean, what can be next? Are computer programs gonna start creating music? Like, can we tell a computer program, "Sound like Phyllis Hyman, sing about heartache and make it a midtempo ballad"; and next thing you know there'd be no need for personal human experiences, gifted voices and live instruments? Is that where we're going? I mean, the makers of Polar Express were in Time magazine last year, saying that pretty soon we won't need Tom Hanks, just his voice and that technology will do the rest. How's that? Really, explain how that's cool. What is really next? Will I carry around some computer program that processes all of my human interaction for the day, takes an inventory of everytime I wronged someone and then, at the end of the day, calls that person and apologized in a computerized droid voice?
This isn't righteous indignation I'm spewing here. I'm not in the least bit mad, this isn't some soap-box. I'm not wagging my finger or saying tsk-tsk. It's merely some genuine incredulity and some sincere uncertainty. I really think that technology and the World Wide Web can potentially render some of the most basic, fundamental human interaction and people-stuff extinct.
Because, let's keep it funky, online matchmaking sites is just a screwy concept. A computer program posing as a meddling friend or an annoying aunt? OK.
Not to be morbid, but I hope disaster strikes some of these couples. Not so that they'll suffer, but so they'll serve as cautionary tales. We all watch 24 and we all know that, sometime a couple innocent lives are shed for the greater good. I mean, the O-Town kids arent doing too well. Ashley and Jacob, they're laughingstocks and public objects of scorn. But music is better off without BoyBands. Their suffering was necessary. So hopefully one of these eHarmony.com broads will Lorraina Bobbit some dude that posed as a George Clooney but he was really a Kevin Federline. And hopefully they'll combine the pain of their broken experiences and gang rape Orville, pour scolding hot movie butter on him and feed him uncooked kernels. Maybe thet'll learn these people.
I'm against stem cell research and I'm against computerized matchmakers.
Vote Twist in 2008.
posted by Twistinado @ 3:22 PM
1 Comments:
At 5:57 PM,
Karamale said…
twist...you loco, bruh. hee hee on the orville redenbacher. the cautionary tale about online matchmaking is this: you still meet crappy mf's online just as you do in real life. i know from experience. at least online, you can tell folks from the jump whether or not you just want to get in the draws. without the slap in the face or scornful laugh that accompanies saying that same thing in person.
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