A Couple Things

Part of the reason why, in situations like this where my home connection is shaky and I actually work at work, I don't blog as much, is because I feel the need to write novels every time I post. Novels take time. What I needed and need is some forum to post the quick random thoughts that pop in my mind frequently. But I wanted a name for these posts.

My man Bill Simmons on ESPN.com calls his 'More Cowbell' a cool play on the Will Ferrell, Christopher Walken skit on SNL where Walken was a music producer and continued to urge Ferrell to play the Cowbell more and louder, when it was clear that there was no need for any more cowbell. Well Simmons writes novels like me, so -- on his site -- there is really no need for extra posts either. Smart.

I'm calling mine 'A Couple Things'. It's an ode to my first professional boss, Cathy Foley, who also happens to be my favorite boss of all time. She hired me when I had about 5-months of professional experience and no degree for a gig that called for years of experience and a degree. And then she patiently waited as I grew into the position -- and screwed up in the interim. She allowed me to tweak my schedule a little bit to start going back to school again. In essence, she had confidence me and invested a lot in me.

Anyways, she was a little squirt of a woman. 4'11, 90lbs at best. And she was a young Vice President, too. So here she was, a tiny, young, liberal-leaning woman, often dealing with big, old, good-ol' boy republicans. But she demanded respect based on talent and knowledge...but she had to fight for that respect. Seeing her upset was always kind of comical to me. She'd turn red, squint her eyes, get these terse lips and you could see that she meant business, I just thought 'Does this 60-yr-old CEO millionaired think she means business, too?" Often they did.

My job was to help her keep our department running smoothly, which usually meant a number of things. Which is why many mornings, I would wake up, make my coffee, turn on my computer, log onto my work email and see an email entitled 'A Couple Things'.

Cathy kept ridiculous hours. She's be up at 5am sending me emails. So when I'd wake three hours later (ensuring I'd be late to work), I'd have this email in my inbox that had about 10 different things I needed to do. And she listed them bullet style:

- call john doe and make sure yadayada
- who's coming to the meeting?
- make sure Derek is on track with the blahblah
- give me an update on where we are w/ all the budgets
- where are you guys with the meeting books?

Sometimes she'd have 10 things in these emails. Sometimes they'd be a one-sentence question. Other times a paragraph explanation of something that needed to get done.

Then I'd come to work and find a way to be inept and fail to complete half of the tasks.

Anyways...here are A Couple Things that have been on my mind.

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--- when I stub my toe I turn mad at the world. Back when I was young and didn't control my tongue like I do now, I'd stub my toe and for that 5-second pain rush I'd be the meanest person in the world. A sibling could ask if I was OK and I'd respond with something like, "Yes, stupid!" I still want to do that today, but I just think it instead of saying it. Sometimes it'll go deeper. I got hit in the head with a football yesterday and it hurt and a football players asked if I was OK and I just looked at him and thought, "Yes, you stupid meathead. Your life is going nowhere quick. This is the pennacle of your pathetic life. A backup noseguard for some hillbilly highschool in Florida. Have fun at WalMart tonight."

--- You all really have to get hip to The Office. It's not as smart as Arrested Development, but I think it's funnier. Steve Carrell from "40 Year Old Virgin", "Anchorman" and, of course, "The Daily Show" is the star and he's an absolute riot. He's the biggest jerk character ever. A huge ball of insensitivity, but not curmudgeon insensitivity like Archie Bunker or d-head insensitivity like Al Bundy -- this is just ignorant insensitivity. The writing is magnificent. The dumbest, most irreverent stuff is throughout this show. If it weren't for TiVo I wouldn't even be on it, but it's like that. Check it out, new season late September.

--- I cannot stand this SportsCenter series they have where they go to each state. It's so corny. Nobody cares what goes on in Montana. I don't care about some stupid Cornhusker Fair in Nebraska. Middle America -- who needs it?

--- Bobby Brown was in a race-car the other episode and said, "I'm about to win the Kentucky Derby!"

--- Chicken or the egg: Is it that white people have little rythm and can't dance or is it that the music they like has weird rythms and causes them to dance awkwardly. I was at a going away party in Orlando and the white people were doing there usual thing where it almost makes me blush to see them dance. But listening to the music, I don't know if even the smoothest most rythmic black or hispanic could get out there and look cool. White people have rythm. I know they do. Not as much as black people, because our descendants invented rythm and its in our soul, but white people can learn rythm. So why are they so clueless on a dance floor? I think it's the music. If they grew up listening to James Brown and Franke Beverly and EPMD and Prince, then that rythm and soul will get in their bones and they'd be straight. But they listen to hair metal and Smashing Pumpkins (great group), that music isnt really about dancing, at least not like dancing that doesn't look stupid. This quandry puzzles me. The next time I go to a white party I'm gonna bring my own personal party mix and see if the dancing improves.